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The talk. Human connection aka point of life is the most needed, desired and some times utterly dreaded thing ever. And yes, it can totally destroy, change or ameliorate the situation according to the circumstances.
Reading it all above you guys must have an idea already. The text you get “we need to talk” which follows a ton amount of swearing, blaming, lying and finally loads of hurting.
But no, you all got it wrong, that’s not the talk I’m going to scribble about. It’s the talk every child, teen, student, or to be specific every boy or girl growing up needs to be doing, not once, not twice not with a therapist or a friend, psychiatrist or consultant, brother or sister, But with their parents.
There comes a point in life when on front everything looks polished and it’s best. As if you bake a cake that doesn’t turn out fine but you cover it with pretty sweet frosting and nobody realizes how bitter or awful it is from inside unless they cut it. That’s how the life is, for so many teenagers out there. They go to good schools, they have all the worldly materialistic privileges to make them look blessed, their parents are in a good place, elite lifestyle, hangouts, parties, family pictures, highly maintained “goals” looking Instagram, vacations , future study plans, pretty much everything that leaves the world saying, “ Inko kia tension hogi, inki life tou perfect hai”. This is symptomatic of our generation.
No buddy. You’re wrong. Nothing is perfect. No matter how flawless it seems to an outsider, trust me, it’s not. How can you be so sure that they don’t cry themselves to sleep? How do you know that they didn’t desperately need someone family to at least sit with them, not for anyone, but for them, Only them? How badly they needed to talk to someone just about how their day went. How badly they wanted someone to come up to their room and check on them. How badly they wanted someone to notice the things that are killing them inside.
How badly they wanted someone to follow them when they pretty much messed everything up and banged into their rooms, broken. How badly they wanted someone to know that they are not angry, moody, arrogant or ill mannered but DESPERATE for their parent’s affection, attention, and care, Who mostly thinks they no longer need it because they are grown ups now, they need to experience what they call “hurdles of life” for their own good in future.
Trust me, it’s not the results, break up, skin issues, weight gain, peer pressure, or being benched in football finals that kill you more, but this kind of anxiety. You feel responsible for everything messing up in your life or even with the people around you. You put yourself responsible for the slightest excuses, you may start worrying about things that don’t even require worrying. You feel people around despise you. You become vulnerable. You easily cry over little things. You try to make things alright but end up messing them up even more. You feel hurt, abandoned, useless and just an empty soul sometimes. You start keeping things to yourself.
You’re afraid that if you’ll say them you may worsen the already sabotaged things that it may snatch the tiniest good moments in your life. You think that your family or anyone you open up will consider you delusional. You think it doesn’t really matter as long as you are looking good in world’s eyes, achieving good grades, and apparently having no excuse to be unhappy about your life. It starts building up, and you start feeling it’s weight. You no longer stay interested in improving, grooming yourself. You think it doesn’t really matter because you are already filth for this world, what good it will bring. You start looking for more flaws in yourself. You start for looking flaws in people around you.
You find them perfect even though they aren’t. You think they don’t deserve the things they have. You no longer realize that they didn’t have it, they worked for it, earned it. You think you are the victim. You simply can’t even muster the courage to say the right thing. You start disappointing yourself, degrading and discouraging yourself.
You double the expectations but attenuate the efforts. You start hating yourself, for every little thing happening to you. You don’t think about it as just a bad day, but a bad life generally. You believe every bad thing is bound to happen to you and you can’t even help it, not that you cant do, but you simply don’t want to do. Because you’ve decided that your life is already bad, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You distance yourself. You no longer find yourself interested in any family discussions. You start to envy your own siblings as if why they are having it all, and why not you. You stay away from clearing things because you’re better off not TALKING about it.
You’re better off being called arrogant or rude then called psychopath or dramatic. You either think your parents might consider you being overly sensitive, overly dramatic and that they’d judge you. Worrying about their judgmental surveillance you prefer staying quiet or merely because you talking might give them another thing to worry about, they might be having loads already. You idealize things, you compare them with your life and feel disgusted about it. You start having bad ideas. You good for symptoms of anxiety, depression.
You think you have all of them or if not now but surely in future if it goes like that. You feel you are having panic attacks all the time, even though you may not. You feel who will even believe you because apparently you are laughing, chilling all day… at least some parts of the day. You may feel your health is going down but you don’t give a shit about it, you think it’s the last thing you need to worry about. You waste your light moments worrying what might follow them. Your life feels like a kaleidoscope in the hands of a fidgety child.
You might think that people all around the world are having by far, more realistic, more concerned, more bothering, in general, a substance to worry about. You think what thoughts you are having are just thoughts undeserving to be talked about, why might be even bothered about them. Who might even care? What might I even call it? Whom should I even talk about it? You clearly aren’t a fan of people’s thinly-veiled criticism masquerading as honesty. You become fond of silence, you find it profound, and a better option somehow.
So many of you may have raised eyebrows reading it all above. Found it way too dramatic or exaggerated. I tell you, it’s not. And Trust me, It’s worst. Some of you may have found it relatable and now are looking for a solution, your end maybe.
So here it is. The answer to all aforementioned is YES you’re not the only one going through this. 20% teenager all around the world face depression before they reach adulthood. That means there are millions around the world having the same thoughts as you. Yes, it’s natural, some may have it some may not. Yes, it needs to be talked about, right up front with your parents. YES, You should not be worried about being judged because you’re TALKING to your parent, no limit in the sky they won’t pass to protect you, AND NEVER JUDGE YOU.
You should never take it for granted because nothing really matters in this world more than a soul, a happy, peaceful soul. Yes, your parents need to know what their child is going through and what might be causing it. Yes, TALKING about it will not only help yourself out, it will cleanse you, you’ll feel lighter, connected, loved, desired and above all you’ll feel LIFE. You will be thankful for having it. For having another chance to be the making the right decisions. To be not just going over the years, but actually living it. You will definitely realize how badly you needed it. If you’re reading it now, It’s still not too late. It never is. Take your time, think what’s bothering you and finally TALK about it, and thank me later.
To all the parents out there reading it. Please take notes, take it seriously. I’m sure you all want the best for your child. And the TALK is what is required to bring out the best in them.
Don’t think that they are growing up and you should let them solve their problems. No, listen to them, even to the slightest, silliest thing they’re worried about, just TALK about it. It’s not about rushing to solve it which you may object might take away their liability to stand up to a problem in life. You might just need to alter a little in your routine to sit with them, not as parents but as soulmates.
Not to scrutinize them, but just talk to them. You should not worry if your child comes to you and burst out crying but should be happy that he chose that right path and came to you besides having so many easy looking and preferred options, i.e. to quit once and for all.