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In my intercourse with reality; I suffer from the living, and life alike- imprisoned by society. Everyday, In the midst of all these soulless bodies I was alone. Each day bled into the next- people, cities, roads, nature became a blur- music became noise- reality robbed me of colors. I succumbed to misery- I was tired-my mind grew weary, my soul ached.
Depression became my shadow – my constant companion. I let it, little by little, steal away all the joy I felt, all the love I gave, the passions I had until I became an accomplice to my own destruction. Sadness tugged at every strand of my life, unraveling everything all at once. It stole away moments from my life, stripped away happiness from my life.
I was stranded, left all alone. My life was falling apart and no one noticed. Each day became a battle – Getting out of bed required effort. I lost my appetite. I felt no joy in reading. I was lonely among people. Each day I would put on a new mask. In the end, I lost my own self and became the version of me that was expected by everyone else. My friends and my family began to fill my silence with their own interpretations. My actions were foreign to me – my dreams haunted me. Everything lost it’s meaning to me – the beauty of life was wasted on me.
In my most private intimate moments; I withdrew into solitude – forgotten and lost. Even in the vast corridors of my mind, depression followed me like a companion. It chipped away at me – I left pieces of me behind. Misery robbed me of compassion-of empathy. I hated everyone and everything.
I survived. I bore not only the scars left by the battle wounds but also of the battles that I avoided. It was only after that I realized the casualties that depression had inflicted upon me. One day I felt the sun’s warmth on my face. I found solace in between the chords of music. I sang along with songs. It was not easy but I did it.
It was only after that I realized the casualties that depression had inflicted upon me. I had to relearn everything- reignite my passions- relearn the pleasures of the world-rediscover the beauty in nature and in people. I had to discover my ability to be kind.
We are all on the same hell, just different levels. I have spilled much digital ink to tell you that; Each of us is burdened by sadness, each of us is confronted by the ugliness of the world, each of us aches to matter. Misery and loneliness are ubiquitous in our society. I wish someone would have cared for me when I was unable to care about myself. I wish someone would have helped me instead of saying “God will help you”. I wish someone would have told me, what I am about to tell you that: you can save the world. It is okay if you save only one life, and I am here to tell you that it is okay if that life is your own.
I just want you to know that even though I don’t know you- I have never laughed with you, cried with you. I know your pain, for it is a mirror of my own. I hope you find solace in knowing that it gets better. I hope that you find kind people. I hope that you have the strength to be kind. In the end, I hope with all my heart that you survive this and go on to live a happy life.