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What do you do when you become someone’s identity? And when you lose yourself. Everywhere I look, I see you, every word uttered is about you, everything that I want to do is for you, everything I want to be is for you.
It’s shit painful when you realize you don’t want yourself anymore. It’s painful when you can’t see yourself without the one person you’ve tethered yourself to. I miss myself. I don’t want to belong to him anymore. I want me back. I want to do what makes me happy, I want to sleep all through the night and not sacrifice my comfort for anyone.
I thought if I gave myself to him, he’d take care of me with all his heart and soul. Did I go wrong somewhere? Did I go wrong at all? Or am I being an emotional wreck just like always? I fall in love every second, I have a new favorite song every day, I change my mind every second. I’m a heartless bitch in a flash.
Then why did I love him without any limitations or boundaries? If I can fall in love a hundred times, why can’t I ever fall in love with myself? Why can’t I be my all? Why can’t I be my own world? Why can’t I be everything for myself? Why can’t I save my own self from this destruction I’ve brought on me?
These past years have been the highlight of my life. You teaching me right from wrong, my infinite love and friendship with your friends and family, cooking for you, worrying about you, waiting anxiously for those ‘come outside’ texts, going out to eat with you, our trips together, Our songs, our likes and our dislikes.
How am I supposed to let go of so many memories? How does anyone get tired of that? How do you let all that go? I told you everything. All about my life, who did me wrong and how people messed me up and I thought you understood but you turned out to be the worst of all those people.
I molded myself into whatever you liked and you destroyed me.
The high and the rush i get from loving you, takes me to another universe. But it also takes my love and expectations to another world. I want to love you, i want to give myself to you and never look back and never think of us as two separate souls again. But you make my all look so worthless, it disgusts me. I feel repulsed by my own self. I feel like God awful garbage. I feel available and useless.
Do your thing, Time. Please.