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Growing up in Pakistan with a disability is nothing less than an adventure in itself. One of the adventures is constantly having to prove that one is also a sexual being like everyone else and deserves the right to courting, love, marriage and parenthood. But that can be a little too hard in a society where ‘tailor ruining a dress’ and ‘the next terror attack?’ are bigger problems in the same breath.
But I take a breath of relief and realize 9 reasons why I can’t get married and luckily none of them are even near the stigma of me being a redundant piece who can’t even make tea for the Saas (mother-in-law) or the fact that the children I bore might also be born with a disability. Nothing of that sort.
1) The Miracle Man:
It’s great to have a life partner to share joy, sorrow and collectively reach the end goal of Jannah. But I am sure the world would see him less as my husband and more as ‘The miracle man‘. The man who took the plunge, who let go of his dreams, who sacrificed his life, who rescued the princess, who kissed away my tears!
My every speech would begin, ‘I must thank this man who is my s……’ But here is the problem. I was never rescued because I have a great life with goals and action. My family loves me, spent their time on me and called me their Queen. And this miracle man you see, well I just found his sock for him this morning. So, who’s really the miracle here?
2) Wedding Pre-Shoots:
Considering the level of wedding showers, pre-shoots, post shoots, pre-Nikkah shoot – in Park, on the moon, on Car’s bonnet, swag pose, She/he is mine props, how we met each other video these days, where would I fit?
I am sure my husband will say, ‘Either we marry, travel the world, have kids, I carry you everywhere etc or you make me do all these poses’ It’s just too much. Or maybe I am just a hater.
Speaking of Wedding Shenanigans, who can forget the entry of the bride and groom these days! The bike entry, the Raksha entry, the globe entry, the elephant entry. Dosto! I just can’t compete with all of you. I just have one entry to offer and it’s in my wheelchair. That too electric. So, don’t call me desperate if I reach the stage before him.
Entry may be alright. But what about the most sacred part of the wedding. The part I am officially handed over to the man of my dreams under the shadow of the Quran itself. The only thing wrong is who will be pushing my wheelchair? And if it’s the groom himself, that is just too damn funny for me to imagine. And then I’ll be the cursed bride who did not cry and instead laughed hysterically and then will be called a ‘Feminist Bride’.
5) Mu Dikhai:
While some girls wait for the moment to be presented a ring or a gift on their first night, I have a little something planned for hubby too. It’s a bat under my bed. I mean why not? He definitely deserves a bashing for not showing up early in my life. So many moments gone by, like the one during Special Olympics when I won as the Top pitch presenter, or the street walk in Denmark, and the shopping in Dubai! So yep. He is getting the ‘Mu kutai‘ first.
6) The Post Marriage Ritual:
I am a Pakistani to the core, to the bone but no I am not going to Murree after my marriage.
7) Typical But Cool:
I want to name my daughter, ‘Sultana’
8) Sharing My Nachos? Not At All:
I can’t share my nachos during movies. Nopes.
9) Surname Change:
Though we all know changing the girl’s surname is more cultural and not religious at all, yet it’s a very common practice and before anybody judges me for not doing it, I just have to point out. My name is my brand. I have spent 10 years of my life attaching integrity, quality, and commitment to it. Changing it over-night throws away all my years of hard work and also of those who supported me. Sorry, not happening.
I know. It’s a very sad article. But my life is not. It’s happy, it’s complete and it’s with a purpose beyond stereotypes, stigmas, and barriers.