Enraged by the fact that women are living beings who have a right to their likes and dislikes and the basic human right to do what they want, some mullahs have graciously sought to ‘correct’ these sinful creatures’ ways and lead them onto a better, more pious path. Here are some of the crazy ‘Fatwas‘ that have been passed by scholars!
1. Stop Reading Romantic Novels
Being transported in a fantasy world is not ‘Halal’ and so the trend must end. Though I agree, they do seem to have a point sometimes *cough cough* Fifty Shades of Grey *cough cough*.
2. Stop Watching Football
They know. They know we only watch it so we can stare at the footballers’ thighs. Or for the times Ronaldo goes shirtless. We must stop now.
…right after one more game.
3. Stop Eating Bananas, Cucumbers and Carrots
Any phallic shaped fruits that might ‘turn us on’ and cause us to lose control and forget our limits…
…and no, they don’t mean eating.
↑ THIS YOU GUYS. THIS.
4. Stop Cooking
Because we don’t know how to, right? So let’s just stop altogether. Let’s see them do a better job at it. While we’re at it, maybe even stop posting your edible disasters on social media and spamming all those people who don’t really care?
5. Stop Wearing Western Clothes
You wouldn’t want to be provocative now, would you? You are public property. You must stay hidden. Jeans are more provocative than those skin colored tights.
6. Stop Watching T.V
All those cooking shows and the commercials will obviously make you so hungry and thirsty that you’ll be compelled to break your fast. Because that’s the kinda weak-ass creature you are. Leave this job to the men too.
7. Stop Taking Selfies
No seriously though. It’s just plain annoying. Please, stop.
Unless it wasn’t glaringly obvious, this was a satirical piece intended for all those wonderfully smart individuals out there who believe women should be told what to do 24/7 and dictated on each and every action.
We have a special message for those who believe these ‘fatwas’ are legit and should be followed – please, please, please do not fast…