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Here, I’m lying down in the darkest room of MCH. My body is aching, my feet are screaming with pain and then they say doctors are the untouchables, the deity and busy in making money. But if that’s true, then why am I here, trapped inside the quagmire of my emotions, conflicted and tormented? For this underpaid job.
Here, I am trying to give my best when all I seek is comfort and solace when all I need is quiet hours of unperturbed rest when all I want to do is low down and give my body, heart, and soul a break.
I haven’t slept properly. Does a mere 2-hour nap count? No, it doesn’t, not when you’ve been on your toes since days. My body aches, my mind screams, and my heart wails that is how I am functioning as a doctor right now. And, I have a question. Why do you hold on to the notion that doctors do nothing? Why do you believe that life is all joyous wonders for us doctors? A bed of roses. No, it is not!
Graduating from medical school is not a stairway to easy, carefree life. If anything, it becomes more stressful with all the added responsibility. We don’t march alone anymore. Now, we have to carry the burdens of everybody and soul that connects us with our patients. Beneath the facade of ‘godly doctors’, we share the pain, the melancholy. And with each death, our heart dies a little too.
Beneath the exterior, we have a soul too! Our eyes may not water, but our hearts do cry. Holding a life in our hands isn’t euphoric. It’s stressful and we are always walking on the egg shells.
Every scream from the OT, everyone from the waiting one’s – haunts us. The pain of carrying the news of someone’s loss constricts our heart like its being clawed out. The smile you see on our faces is a false mirage of our tormented minds and depressed thoughts. YET, WE STAND STRONG. Because strength is our only option.
You know how they say ‘All or nothing’. We give you our best, selflessly. And yet, you question our empathy. We share our lives with you, tread on your journey with you. You take one step forward, we take ten! Then why won’t you stop criticizing us? Every patient, every person becomes a part of our life. Despite all the weight that’s put on our shoulders we stand tall.
Try to see the other side of the picture.