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There are some things that run in your blood through the centuries and which no matter how hard you try, refuse to budge. Quite similar is the case of desis too; regardless of how long they reside in a different country or become cultured, there are some annoying things that desis are expert in doing which are listed below:
1. DREAM BAHU- BARBIE WITH A ‘BAILAN’ IN ONE HAND AND A STETHOSCOPE IN ANOTHER:
And I swear this one is not an exaggeration and no pun intended! You ask a desi mom bearing a son and all they dream of is a daughter-in-law who is in her early 20s, holds an MBBS degree, cooks well and ‘Aesi larki jo ghar ke mahaul ko badal de!’ Oh and never mind her own daughter who resembles ‘Rooh Afzah’ from ‘Qudusi sahib ki bewah’ and son who is her soul sister!
2. HI DARK AND DUSKY! MEET ZUBAIDA AAPA:
So you think that you can make up your not-so-fair complexion with your charming personality? Hold on a sec, meet Zubaida appa. She might turn you all ‘goori goori’ and if your mom happens to be a typical desi then guess what? You’ll get bowls of homemade ubtan, creams, and bleaches, all Zubaida appa’s recipes that might magically make you a Snowhite overnight, so that your Prince Charming can easily spot you!
3. BUCKLE-UP FOR THE TEA TROLLEY SERIES:
All Pakistanis hail themselves to be the most broad-minded of all. They give their daughters all the freedom unless it’s the wedding bells time. The worst nightmare of desi parents is that their daughter will thrust them with a son-in-law who might not match their standards or most importantly might not belong to their caste. And it’s just the fear of living in this complete nightmare that desi moms look out for suitable ‘rishtas’, dragging their daughters into a series of tea-trolley episodes, tagging anyone and everyone they meet with the same request, “Koi acha rishta nazar me ho tu zaroor btana!”
4. THIS IS NOT JUST ANY AUNTY, THIS IS ‘THE DESI AUNTY’:
It doesn’t matter whether the aunty is a US citizen, well-groomed or highly educated, the look for the smallest of gossips or catching on with the new fire of the relatives remain in the genes no matter what. Spontaneously saying to a newly wedded lady, “Aur nahna mehman kab araha he bhaee?”
Or asking a young, unmarried girl’s mother, “Iske rishtey nai dhoond rae kia?” are examples of some of the gossips that desi aunties will give away with only when this world comes to an end!
5. SADDEST STORY OF A DESI Youth – ‘ROOM PRIVACY’:
Ah, what can be a better place on earth than your own room, your own small world! You enter your room, close the door, switch on the music and start doing a crazy step or two along with the beat until your mom enters without knocking and gives you a strange look. You feel like banging your head against the wall for the privacy-with-no-privacy. You know you can’t tell her to knock before entering unless you need to hear such words, “Ab aesa bhi konsa anokha kam he tumhe jo darwaza band karke karna parta he?” Or “Acha tu darwaza band karke yeh gul khilai jatay hen?”
6. A DRIER FOR LAUNDRY? Sorry, I have A BALCONY FOR THAT:
Your mom is really excited about the new washing machine. It has so many automated functions making her life easier. But the excitement just lasts for a couple of days. And from the third day, you can see balconies drowned in washed clothes. The drier works perfectly fine but not as fine as the desi habit of hanging washed clothes in the balcony to dry under the sun. You just can’t beat that dude!
7. STREET FOOD IS UNHYGIENIC UNLESS I AM THE ONE EATING IT:
You get sick and tired of your relatives complaining about the unhygienic Pakistani street food and that everything should be made at home instead of compromising your health. But trust me, these are the same people who spend early Sunday morning hours in line for ‘halwa poori ka nashta’ and proudly say that their shopping spree is incomplete without a plate of chana chaat and falooda! Go, die Dehydration.
8. REMOTE CONTROL WITHOUT A PLASTIC COVER? OMG, THE WORLD HAS JUST COME TO AN END!:
Do you have a remote control without a plastic cover? Gosh, you have the nerves for such things. Didn’t any desi tell you that a plastic cover provides “chaubees ghantay lagatar hifazat” to your remote control? Sorry, you aren’t a true desi then.
9. ‘SURPRISE’ IN THE COOKIE BOX:
So it’s the late night cravings and your eyes are all set for the Danish cookie tin box that had been lying on the table untouched. Your tummy growls madly and you soothe it by imagining the soft, crispy cookies lying inside patiently waiting for your arrival. You open the lid and the needles, threads and other sewing items stick their tongues out screaming, “Surpriseeeeee!!! Happy Birthday!!!” You curse the desis’ love for reusing stuff and swear not be tempted away by the box of golden chocolates that might contain first-aid stuff.
10. NEVER THROW AWAY USED WRAPPING PAPERS OR YOU MIGHT HIT THE STREETS:
You jump with excitement as you see a shimmering wrapped up box waiting on your table. You attack it like a drone and start tearing the wrapping paper like a wildcat until you hear that typical mom voice, “Wrapping paper sambhal kar rakho warna Fazeelat ki eidi kelie khareedna paray ga!”
You then make a face and un-tape the wrapping paper with extra care, fold it and then keep it in the wrapping paper drawer for a rainy day. The rainy day might not only be Fazeelat’s eidi day; it can be your friend’s birthday or father’s day when you pack all the presents with old wrapping papers.
We all have been through at least one of these once in our lifetime. They all sound shockingly hilarious but at the same time give us a sense of belongingness!