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When I was just 8 years old, my parents’ friends used to come over at our place every night and used to make me sit on their laps. It felt weird, so I would go to my friends house and stay there until they left. When I turned 12, we moved to the USA. I was so excited because a whole new journey was going to begin. It felt like a new start. In the states, we stayed at my aunt’s house for 3 months. My own uncle would touch me which would make me feel uncomfortable. When I told him that I don’ like all this, he said to me that it’s alright and after couple of months he raped me!
Everyday! Even after I moved out, he would pick me up and drop me anywhere I wanted to go – my school, for my night classes and even my work. I could not tell this to any of my family because I was scared and I thought that they will get mad at me so I tried to kill myself. It was my first attempt of suicide. After I came home from the hospital I had a meeting with some counselors. I told them that I have been sexually abused but guess what happened next? They didn’t help me, neither did they believe me. So, I went back to the hell where I came from.
After 3 years, I couldn’t hold it anymore I tried to kill myself again. I remember it was worst night and I cried in my room, scratched myself and still, nobody helped. The worst part for me was that my parents were mute and deaf. They couldn’t hear anything I had to say!
When I turned 18, I got engaged. I thought my fiance would help me so I told him everything. He promised me that he would help me in every way he could. The next morning I told my aunt what my uncle had done to me and I that I couldn’t take it anymore. She begged us not to file charges so we didn’t and left it on my God to punish him. He did inflict a lot of damaged on me, on my body and my mind.
I remember when I got married, I was scared for months that I told my husband to stay away from me. My nightmares were still fresh but luckily my husband was understanding. I still believe that God sent him to me an angel in the form of my husband.
For 5 years I was not myself. That vulture whom I used to call my uncle raped me everyday, he made me try to kill myself twice. After 1 year of my marriage I started reading Quran and praying everyday. When I had my first child I told myself “that’s it!” no more crying and no more being scared of anything. Whatever had to happen, happened and that’s it!
I took self defense classes to gain self confidence back. I truly thank Allah for saving my life and blessing me with such wonderful husband and kids! The only thing that resonates with me now is one should never lose hope… one should just keep fighting!!!
