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This story has been submitted by Shafiqa Shah.
Differences between people are very common and a part of everyday life. Sisters, brothers, best friends, everyone has them. But it’s different when children witness fights or inter-parental conflicts, the impacts are way more dangerous than you can imagine.
Effects of interparental conflicts on children
1- Self-blaming
When children witness constant fights between their parents, they somehow start blaming themselves. They blame themselves for not being able to stop the fights between their parents. And, then they gradually start considering themselves as the reason behind those fights. This affects them emotionally, as well as, physically.
2- Health
It becomes difficult for children to maintain balance in their life. Less sleep, no appetite, overthinking and many more factors come into play which leads to bad overall health conditions.
3- Academic progress
Inter-parental conflicts impact a child’s academic progress. Such parents often ignore the presence of their children around them. And, when they fight, they yell and scream at each other. This leads to feelings of insecurity amongst the children. They constantly worry about their parents. Their biggest fear becomes, what if the parents hurt each other in their absence. It becomes difficult for kids to concentrate on their studies resulting in an overall bad academic performance.
4- Anxiety
The bond between parents and children is very different from other relations. The happiness of children depends on their parents’ wellbeing. Seeing their parents good to each other gives them a feeling of being protected. However, when they see their parents fighting, they start feeling insecure. The fear of losing their parents always surrounds them.
5- Anger issues
Children adopt the very anger which they witnessed in their parents’ personalities during their fights. They get irritated easily over small things.
6- Emotional insecurity
Children who witness inter-parental conflicts become emotionally insecure. It becomes hard for them to trust people around them when they grow up. These insecurities ruin their relationships with other people.
7- Suicidal thoughts
The lives of children depend on their parents. So, if the parents themselves have conflicts with each other it crushes their confidence. All these factors then result in having suicidal thoughts to end that suffering or pain at once.
8- Adaptation issues
The children face difficulties to adjust themselves in such toxic environments. Two aspects become operational then. Firstly, the child starts thinking that he or she is the only one with problems. Secondly, society pressurizes him or her to act normally without knowing that one is facing ups and downs.
What can be done to avoid this?
- As I said earlier, having differences is a part of life but at least, parents should shield their children from witnessing conflicts between them.
- If accidentally, their children witness their fights, they should try to teach them how to solve a conflict in a healthy and peaceful way which will help them in the future.
- They should assure the children that whatever happens, their parents will still love and care for each other and that they will always be together.
- Parents should talk about the issues with the children, not give them a bulk of details or explanations but a short discussion about what’s going around them so that they can understand things better.
- Parents should try to avoid yelling and screaming at each other. They should keep their fights as peaceful as possible.
It is important that for the sake of their children, parents must tackle their issues in a friendly and peaceful environment. Abusive relationships and fights of parents will only distort their minds.
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