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Breakups are very crucial. It could either turn your life around and devastate you. Break up whether mutually agreed or if either one is dumped by the other leaves a very bizarre psychological impact on one’s life. Girls would usually cry in their beds for a week while boys will go and hang out with their friends that they had ignored for a while because of his relationship.
Most break up nowadays occur due to a miscreant entering from an incognito door which you can try closing but it will crash open no matter what. This is the creepy guy who enters into a girl’s life in a way that only an another guy could understand the cruel intentions.
Let me tell you one situation each for either gender role:
A boy being the victim:
You’ve been in a serious and practical relationship with a girl for over a year and now intending to put a ring on her finger pretty soon. Yes, it is not actually what our religion tells us but the credit goes to the societal cath phrase “log kya kahein gay.” But in any case, you want to make it official despite what pushed you!
This infamous guy has done his research on your girl by observing her in classes, with her friends, at the cafeteria and also while she’s out in the corridor sitting at a side reading her favorite novel all alone. He knows this girl likes her solitude but she clearly lacks friends who would tag along with her and she wouldn’t mind as long as you look familiar (guys can read this very easily, helps most of us to find girls that are easy to hit on). Now he adds her to her social account and soon, he hits her up to talk to her.
A small introduction is done and since digits can be easily accessible at the university level, they’re exchanged at a later date. Now, most of you already know how easy it is to manipulate someone on a text. You can tell someone you’ve had biryani while you were eating daal that night and they won’t have any excuse not to believe you. Same goes if you’re sleeping with a hoe but you tell them that you just came from a charity. They’d think of you as a gentleman and eventually, this guy starts gaining her respect.
So this guy plays his cards right and makes his good guy image to her. Now I hope you will understand that she isn’t the only target he is trying to acquire, in the mean time he would keep his options open trying tactics on other girls. Now not all attempts are successful so that’s how such guys end up being in friend-zoned by a few girls.
Next thing you know he has some of these friends to vouch on his behalf; encircles this girl with these friends to maintain his good image. Of course, by now she thinks he is a good guy and is only being friendly to her because he is genuinely nice. But if you may recall what the master of ladies, Joey Tribbiani (from F.R.I.E.N.D.S) confirmed when Ross asked, “Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?” “No, only for sex!”
Now you’re the guy who she’s dating but one day you casually notice social feed about your girl being tagged in a meme by a guy you have no idea existed before. ‘Curiosity killed the cat,’ so you open it up and find out it’s some inside joke they have which you fail to understand. Now it becomes your mission to stalk the guy. You eventually learn that this guy is from her university and has a few mutual friends with you.
Rather than making assumptions, you casually ask one of your friends about the guy and this mutual friend is definitely someone you can trust with a fair review. He explains to you the truth about the game. He provides you evidence of how he has tried it before and how he is actually forcing himself around girls to talk to them since none would do so in the traditional manner as he is not social or likable if he approached straight in a crowd.
Eventually, you don’t want to ruin your relationship so you wait for the right time to talk about the guy but you fail to do so. One day she’s angry at you for talking to a girl she doesn’t like (which is definitely not something you should be doing) and now you both have a heated argument. Now guess what? You have crossed all the so called lines by pointing fingers at her friends, getting involved in her personal matters and being too nosy into her life so now she wants you to leave or at least she says she needs a break.
What happens next is that guy is there to save the day. One sad post of this girl and the guy is ready to comment on all the next ones for the coming days. Now that guy is all you see on her profile. He’s closer to her now, then he was before. Even if you had kept it inside, it would’ve still ended, sidelining you but now that you have told her, you’re in a battle with her and that creep too. Suffer in silence because everything you say can and will be used against you!
2. Girl being the victim:
Guys are easy to get jealous if they just get to know the girl they’re with had once or twice hit on some other guy and if it had worked out she would’ve been with them instead of you. In most relations, both parties would eliminate contact with their friends to maintain the relationship as a private matter but at times girls would like to have a confidence boost from their best friends so they keep their best friends in the loop to interact with the guy they’re dating. Girls are such innocent souls here that they do not realize it will only open doors for more complications.
Now you’ve all had your best friends from grade 5 whom you’ve told every little detail of your life. Some of you stopped seeing after your school as they part ways to different colleges but somehow the bond between you two never breaks. Whenever you meet, you end up telling the other one everything that has happened in the pause of time. Now you don’t realize that by doing this, you’re giving her the key to your personal space. She knows about every guy you’ve liked, met or sometimes even knows the guys whom you’ve tried to hit on too.
You’re now in a very serious relationship with this guy whom you’ve been since college and now you’re both in different universities. Your best friend is somehow with you in the same university and she knows your daily matters well then you explain to your guy. Hence, when you slightly flirt a little with your classmate to have your assignment completed, she notices and reports it to him. Now she is your best friend but now that you’ve given her the responsibility to keep the guy in sight, she feels bound to keep both of you intact by correcting any mistakes you both do.
This wouldn’t have been a one-time thing. The guy would’ve kept ignoring a couple of times to understand your situation but eventually, it will build upon his shoulders and he would question you on your loyalty and commitment. Now, this would hurt you real bad. Seconds later, it will be a toxic relationship. He breaks up with you and whom do you have to blame? Your best friend. And now you lose your best friend and someone you had invested years of efforts and time into for the sake of a happier future.
After all this your struggle to keep the relationship as an open end for reconciliation matters a lot. If you give up easily, then it was surely not something you were actually committed to. And if these are your intentions with someone, it is best you leave them now but mind you, explain them your reason too. It’s okay to leave someone when you are unable to love them, but not giving them a reason is the worst kind of pain you could inflict upon someone.
I will accept the fact that relationships are not part of our religion but somehow the complications of our society and mentality of the people have made it the most difficult matter to marry the one you like. Some people are still courageous enough to break free from “log kya kaheingay” but others bluntly follow the light at the end of the tunnel.
In such cases, you cannot have a nikkah with someone just as you turn adult. Hell, you can’t find a job at such age in our country lest it is a pizza delivery which is considered degrading here but very fruitful if you’re paying for your education in a foreign land. Hence, you don’t have a job when you’re an adult, you’re still studying till you’re 23 and then you’re an undergrad. Furthermore, you have to wait for another 1-2 year for work experience to gather and then apply for MBA in a reputed university because the girl’s phupho found a guy for her daughter who was MBA from IBA so you can’t be of a less standard than that.
In this jungle of complications, you try to gather the courage to endure a soulmate where you entrust all your life with them. Most of us intend to have a true, fair and long lasting relationship where both are committed to resolve any issue that arises and stick by through thick and thin like it should be as a married couple if we were allowed to be. But just because it isn’t official, most of us do not think twice before breaking up.
And since it is not official, every other individual who considers you a potential match would walk up to you to try their luck rather than help you reconcile with the person you’ve intended to put your heart and soul in. I hope one day all the complications end and people spread love between lovebirds too rather than focusing on their own share of love from a blossoming flower.
“You should not try to find your happiness in spoiling other people’s happiness”
Lastly, I’m leaving a small extract I wrote for someone I liked with all my heart and soul but couldn’t even press the send button to:
So I was in a deep thought while driving back home and I recalled our last conversation and I realized a thing I’ve been missing for a while. I guess I came off as intimidating. And I think it’s not just this one time. And that explains why you hate me so much and probably think that I’m out on a mission to hunt you down and hurt you. So I’ll break it to you simple and straight, that is not the case. I’m not doing this to satisfy my ego. The feelings are genuine. I shall and will not, ever hurt you in any manner whatsoever the case. What’s done is done and I learned from those mistakes. However, there is a dire need for you to understand that things are not like the way you’re assuming them to be.
I could go on and explain this like my long ass texts before but I don’t think you’re ready to listen to the other side of the story yet. So, I’m just gonna leave it right here that I am actually sorry for the things that hurt you, tortures you and still doesn’t let you be at peace. I’m sorry for the people you had to cut off because of me. I’m very sorry for embarrassing you overall and not meeting your expectations. I hope I’ll keep getting better to the point that you deserve.
Right now I just want you to know that things may not seem so good to you but whenever you are ready to talk, I’ll be ready for you as well and I want to reassure you that no one, not even me, nor anyone else would harm you. We’re humans, we aren’t perfect. We make mistakes and we learn from them. We both are grown ups, so let’s be humble and settle this nicely over a cup of coffee whenever you think is the right time. I hope you’ll understand my tone of communication here.
And I’m fine if it’s an hour from now, a day or years. I did my part and I did what I could. I’m leaving this to you for good. I’ve put my best foot forward. Thank YOU for loving me when I couldn’t love myself even. And don’t say anything if you don’t want to. It’d be a privilege to have my heart broken by you all over again.