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Is marriage a flawed institution or is it just an institution since everything is always flawed? Living in an imperfect world, it is no surprise that we crave for perfection; and more than anything else, we seek it in love, the God of all emotions. And what is marriage without love? So, since this perfect little emotion guides the ship of wedlock, the institution itself must be perfect; stable.
And it is this view, that something is stable in this otherwise unstable and volatile world, that gives us a sense of satisfaction and ease. To some, the idea of getting married comes off as rather appealing and serene, but then, on the other hand, this very concept of its stability is what is ruining marriage for all the women out there; that, and of course patriarchy.
Marrying off our Bannos to sasuraal, there’s one lesson we teach them repeatedly – ‘they should go to any lengths to save their marriage’. Why? Because this bond between her and her husband is by nature stable and strong, and if anything should go wrong it obviously would have been her fault (where patriarchy steps in), and since destabilizing marriage was her sin, she must bear any consequence to rectify it. This practice of associating perfection to marriage is what has been screwing it up for the wives, and feeding the egos of the husbands.
It is funny how every convention, every custom in our society successfully feeds patriarchy. We’ve set up our workplaces, education centers, and even homes in a way where we teach our daughters that protection comes from being submissive. It is incorporated in their brought up, we condition them into believing from a very young age that for them to be happy they, and only they, need to make sacrifices.
And when our sons grow up alongside them, they silently learn that they never have to lift a finger to make anything work. This is passed down from generation to generation to generation. Everything will be stable; everything will be perfect, and if it’s not, it’s the female’s fault and she ought to fix it.
Does this not sound like a perfect setup to start domestic violence? And we wondered what gets into men’s heads. Hmm
Should we tell our children from a very young age that nothing is stable, and that to make anything work both the parties need to put in equal amounts of effort?
Maybe our sons will be a little more inclined to work on that marriage that they willingly participated in.