Shit Desi Aunties Say And Things I Wish I Could Say To Them

Their First Attack!



When they see you after ages and go like, “Haye meri beti itni bari ho gae! Choti c the jab pehli dafa dekha tha.”

I feel like saying the same thing while pointing at their bosoms. Ap bhi aunty. Ap bhi.

Just two siblings? Hawww



When they ask you how many siblings you have:

Dou, aunty.”

Sirf do? Aur kyun nahi?!”

I don’t know, aunty. Ask my parents. They probably started using birth control after having my brother.

The Muallima o Khateeba o Waiza



When they see you wearing jeans and their andar ka musalman awakens. I vividly remember being tapped by a girl on my shoulder, after I had taken my anatomy exam, outside the examination hall.

I turned around and she pointed at a dupatta clad aunty, “Wo apko bula rahi hain.” I thought she was a professor there. Went to her and the first thing she asks me, “Beta apko pata hai aurat ka matlab kya hota hai?” 

For a whole minute, all I could think was, “Yeh question toh nahi tha paper may.”  Then she goes, “Aurat ka matlab hota hai dhaki chupi cheez.”  I listened to her patiently for what seemed like an eternity. Nodded where I was supposed to. Smiled. Then walked away. It’s just a piece of attire, aunty. Chill.  Baggy shirts don’t show anything wese bhi. SMH.

Their Beauty Tips Are Like Aapa Ke Totke



If you would use these beauty creams for fair complexion, Humdah. You would be pretty. Warna naksh nuksh (features) toh koe hai nahi tumharay.”

Wow. Ouch. Okay, aunty. Apke seenay may bhi dil shil nahi hai.

And the list goes on and on and on. Allah hum sab ko auntion k shar se bachae. Ameen.


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