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This article was originally submitted by Ayesha Ilyas
Children are a great gift to parents from God. Lucky are those who have the blessing of obedient children; they are the support of their parents in old age and a source of “sadqa jariya” for them after their death.
Every parent wants their children to be pious and obedient, but this desire of all the parents is not fulfilled. Parents try to give their best but if a seed does not get the water and minerals according to it’s exact requirements then it’s growth is not what we expected. In the same way, sometimes parents also lack some nutrients in their child’s training. For example, children might not get the quality time with their parents due to their busy schedule, maybe there are family issues or fights between parents.
Also, according to research, one common factor that has been found is strict parents.
Usually, parents have a mindset that if they will be strict with their children, their children will stay in control and will be obedient. This will happen – the child will obey the parents but just apparently and because of their fear; not from the heart.
Such obedience does not really have any benefit; where a child does not even know why they are being stopped or why they are being asked to do a certain thing. Our religion, Islam, also prefers to teach kids about the importance of namaz rather than strictly forcing them for it; so that the child prays not because of the fear of parents, but by their own interest.
In fact, the work which we do with our own interest has no comparison with the work which we do forcefully; this is because we take the work which we do forcefully as a burden and we can never put our best in it.
It is something natural; the more we are stopped for something, the greater our curiosity for it becomes. A lot of questions start to come in our minds about it; like why are we being stopped for doing this, what is wrong in it and etc. Due to the fear of parents, children can not even ask these questions from them to remove their queries. As a result, apparently, without carrying out any healthy arguments, kids obey their parents and the parents also feel their child has become obedient.
But the fact is, through this, a child begins to think of his parents as his enemy which affects their personality.
Some children start to lose their self-esteem and the rest take the wrong path. When parents, for example, strictly ask their children to turn off the phone, at that particular time, the child will turn off the phone. However, he or she will use it later on then without telling the parents. I have just given the example of the phone here, but it is for everything. A friend of mine whose parents are very strict forbade her from downloading Instagram; without giving her any reason which filled her with curiosity, then she secretly created an Instagram account and now even uses it.
Therefore, her parents think that their daughter is very innocent and obedient. This is not just the story of my friend but rather the story of the majority of people.
Now the question comes that strict parents were in the past too, but at that time the children were really obedient and they didn’t take the wrong path. So now why is it so? For this question, there is a quote of Hazrat Ali that train children according to their era. But still, many parents are following that same parenting style; while now the era has changed and with time change comes in everything.
Therefore, how can we expect that we will follow the same parenting style and our children will be well trained? This quote of Hazrat Ali has a very deep meaning because it is very important to move with time. In fact, we are now a part of the 21st century. However, being part of the 21st century does not mean that we let children do whatever they want.
But now as we have to do a good training of our kids according to our era, the best way is to tell children; that if they do this they will get this result and vice versa. Basically, tell them about both of the conditions, and then let them choose.
This way you give confidence to your kids.
Day by day child abuse is increasing in our country. There have been many cases that children are blackmailed; like do what we are saying, otherwise we will tell your parents about this act of yours. Because of the fear of parents, the children are unable to talk to their parents, then as they don’t have an option, they go on obeying those blackmailers.
That’s why the biggest thing is when you give confidence to your kids; so that they can share everything with you without any fear. Parents are not always with their kids but their given confidence would always stay with them and will enable them to take the right decision. Mostly, children share their personal things with their friends but mothers are the last one to know about. This is the fact and, to be honest, a failure.
This should not happen because we should never trust and rely on anyone except our parents; no one can be as sincere as they are with us, even our best friend. Secondly, our friends are of our age, so they don’t have experience in life either; which is why they can never advise us like our parents. Moreover, children should also understand that our parents are truly the best advisors for us.
Well, these are the little things that play a very important role in the training of a child. These little children need more attention because they are the foundation of your business; if you will correctly invest here, your business will grow a lot. In conclusion, parents should take care of these little things so that their children are well-nourished and they can do good training of their kids. Indeed. that’s how the cycle will move and we will become a better nation.