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“Just a few more days and I’ll be free,” is what I told myself when the workload of my studies and freelancing was just too much for me to handle.
With a list of so many plans such as watching TV show Peaky Blinders, horror movies, and also losing weight, I was excited at the prospect of enjoying some time away from all the hassles of studies and freelancing. And when the time finally came and I was free, I had nothing to do and I embraced depression into my life by holding a board that said: Welcome, please come inside.
Was I happy with my life before the depression hit me? Yes…No…I am not sure anymore.
Source: Time Magazine
You see, depression doesn’t appear out of thin air and says “boo, got ya!” It develops and accumulates over time. And when the time is “right,” it pops up like a pimple before a much-awaited event in your life. When I look back, I see a glimpse of me worrying about my studies, my average CGPA, my skin color, giving some sort of happiness to my parents or even falling in love with someone.
There were thousands of reasons that caused my depression. I guess I was so much immersed in my studies and work that I didn’t give enough importance to all those small, anxiety-inducing reasons. And when I was free and had nothing to do, those reasons came back to haunt me and take all my happiness. But I overcame my depression and started to live life from a different perspective. So, what I did to overcome my depression is something that can be helpful to others.
I started to not give an sh*t (excuse my language) about things that weren’t important to me. Like I said before, there were so many small reasons that caused depression that I had no idea how to handle them. A perfect denial is what helped me.
Source: Everyday Health
You might be thinking that denial is not something that is helpful. But what if I tell you that denial is a good coping mechanism that somewhat empowers us to handle difficult situations in our lives.
Coming from a middle-class family, there was a time when I desperately wanted to get rich. The thought “why are we not rich?” was enough push me into the pit of depression. I never blamed my parents because I had a great upbringing. Yet I was living in my self-created delusional world where I was hoping to stumble upon a bag filled with money. This is one of the many stupidest reasons why I became a depressed person.
Source: Evolving Science
I made up my mind that I would only focus on my studies and freelancing (mostly on my work). I made a decision to drastically decrease my “social media intake” for a couple of months. It is because social media has a big role to play in my depression. I used to think “what am I doing with my life?” at seeing my friends and family on social media. Hey, I am happy for them but there is no denying that it made me sad because it made me think I wasn’t doing anything good with my life.
All I needed was to think straight. By cutting social media from my life and deleting sad songs from my playlist (especially my favorite song “the night we met”), I was able to turn things around. It was a Perfect Denial for me that helped me…it really did!
I am not saying denial is good, but it can be really helpful in small doses. I don’t know that my solution to fighting off depression with the help of a perfect denial would help anyone, but I am hopeful it does.
Stay happy and don’t ever lose hope!
