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This one’s for my Captain, my hero and my life!
Captain, it’s because of you that today, I can call myself a strong and an independent woman. You were always miles away from your family, because of your Job. However, you always kept my happiness and independence before everything else. I want to say thank you for being such a wonderful father.
Though you’ve brought us many a struggle with your ailment over the past one year, you’ve taught me more about life than any other experience could have. It’s been tough. You’ve thrown more at me than I ever thought my 24 years could handle.
You’ve taught me that nightmares can come true. It is a nightmare, a horrific one and it scares your daughter. Finding out that you have GBM Grade 4 cancer, popping out of nowhere; toppled our lives over last year till date.
What does one even do with that as part of reality? But it was from that pit of desperation and fear that hope somehow sprang forth. My life did not end at that moment and neither did yours. I remember sitting through your radiation sessions and that taught me a lot.
I learned how precious life is. It was worth the horrible side effects because all of that turned your ‘sensitive’ daughter into a strong woman who is ready to face storms after this.
Life is too precious, too unpredictable, to be put on hold. While the time we got to spend with you, whenever you came back from your ship (your first love); all you’ve taught me was to never to give up…even when it seems that all odds are against you and medical professionals only give you a few months to live. Fight the good fight, but know that you can never beat God.
But, I miss the old you. I don’t know if I can ever gather the courage to read this out to you, I know I can’t. I miss the old you, daddy. The one who stepped into my room at 2:00 am to check if I was sleeping and if I was comfortable even when I was fine. The one who would always load me with extra cash when mama refused to do so.
I remember…every single detail love. And I miss spending that time with you. The only one who would be interested in watching the most absurd movies with me and you’d take me. The days I wouldn’t like the food your wife cooked, you made sure I got what I wanted. Let’s not even speak of times when I was sick. You turned the house upside down just to make me comfortable. From making me sleep in your room and checking up on me after every hour.
Your daughter is doing the same now; for you. I may not be the best daughter you expected me to be but my love for you is beyond words. I cannot and won’t condense my love for you. It’s tough, it is indeed very tough for me to see you in this state. It kills me.
In front of you, I fake a smile and speak about cricket matches of which I don’t know anything. Just to make you smile one way or the other. I miss you laughing, I miss you having bets with me on who’s going to win the match, I miss the man who would hug me as soon as I woke up in the morning.
Most importantly, for being my constant shield. My protector. Even when you’re going for appointments, your first concern is if I’m around and I’m not sitting with males in the waiting area. Dad, you’ve pampered this little girl way too much. It’s hard for me.
From making sure my breakfast was ready every morning, to sometimes making tea for me and getting my breakfast into my room. You’ve pampered me way too much to let go off.
As I look at you now, I see a man who is battling every day, every passing second. For his wife and his children. The man who was away for days/weeks and even months at times just to make sure that his children are blessed with everything. Though it’s been hard getting through the days after learning of your diagnosis; I have grown to appreciate every day of my life at such a young age.
Smile, once more. Your daughter is desperate to see that beautiful smile on your face. I love you.