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Dear cousin, hope all is good at your end. I see you’re married with a beautiful wife now, I hope happiness becomes a permanent part of your life, but I wish this not for you, I wish this because I am scared if you aren’t happy, you might take a dig at somebody else’s happiness too.
Dear cousin, you are well respected and loved by the whole family. As for me? I’m just a snobby girl who doesn’t have enough time to give to the family. At least, that’s what you’ve made them think. Yes, you. You made the word family disappear from my dictionary when I was a child, I’m pretty sure you remember everything.
Dear cousin, you killed me when I was very young. What you see now are just the reciprocal effects. Remember, whenever I came from school and went in my bed to sleep, you would come following me and get inside my bed because nobody could ever think wrong of you. You were 5 years older and I remember how you used to tell everyone ‘yeh meri favorite choti behen hai’.
Dear cousin, I am sure you remember how you used to grip my hand tightly after getting in my bed and forced me to touch you for hours. I remember how you used to tell me that I needed to do this in order to become a part of the family. It wasn’t seconds or minutes, you would take control of me for hours and make me do things that give me suicidal thoughts today, knowing that I did all that without MY CONSENT, I was a child, a 12 year old CHILD, even without a completely formed physique.
I still remember how you would tell me all this would benefit me in the future. You were right. Today, I accept that I was abused as a child, by you. It has benefited me too. I am stronger, more confident, bold and most of all, I am alive. Are you confused cousin? Let me explain. After I realized the fact that you had wronged me for years, I forgave you instantly. All the times you forced me to perform sexual pleasures on you, I forgave you for all of that.
You taught me something that no school or college could. You taught me that there is no such thing as family or relations. Ever since you left me for dead, I have given up on expectation from everyone, including my blood relatives. I now believe that only I can make myself happy and there is nobody else out there who can help me, or does not have a reason for sticking around. You made me believe that this world is a fucked up place, thank you for that.
Dear cousin, I wish you all the best, happiness and joy in your newly married life. I hope God showers his blessings upon you and your better half. However, I am not too sure if I should ask God to give you a daughter, as I fear that either she or you might suffer the same fate I did one day. Don’t worry, I will never ruin your life.
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