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When life gets hard, like it does to everybody else, we dwindle ourselves into a pit of the worst feeling we can ever give to ourselves: self-pity. When, at every hit, you’re looking for someone to validate you, sympathize with you, endorse your feelings. But are always embarrassingly turned down by everyone, including yourself, flailing into an ocean of ”why is this happening to me” is when you fall into the pit of self-pity.
Five years ago, when I was a completely different person, a life-changing experience taught me one of the most important lessons. People won’t give you anything, especially what they don’t have for themselves nor are they responsible for how you feel. People will treat you exactly the way you treat yourself.
I kept waiting and waiting, in hope of maybe someday someone will recognize me, give me the love that only I was capable to give myself until there came a point where I had completely changed for the world, but my world never changed for me. This is what identity crises do to you. It drags you out from your identity and everything about you (identity) is dependent on people. Not beautiful enough? Because somebody else said this to you. Not good enough? Because no one acknowledges you.
Not smart enough? Because people think you’re stupid. Not worthy enough? Because someone told you, you won’t amount to anything. People’s identity is entirely dependent on others. That’s why they’re always trying to seek their happiness in someone else, either by Facebook likes or Instagram followers (because it consoles them that world still likes them). Your life starts with you, not someone else.
Do it for yourself first
Everyone knows what causes them to hate themselves, from perfect standards of society to the comparison trap, from fake beauty idols, to ‘I am not enough’ belief and giving people power over you. This is how you treat you but when you look at the other side of how you treat others, you know what loving hard looks like. If you cheer for yourself the way you cheer for them if you’re as kind to yourself the way you’re kind to them if you show up for yourself the way you show up for them, imagine where your life would be. Just fill yourself first. You can’t pour from the empty jug. When you can’t offer yourself good, you can’t offer it to anyone else. And when you’re all filled up, you will begin to overflow to the world.
Set boundaries and learn to say no
Every relationship needs healthy boundaries. And learn to say no! Learn to say no to people who don’t treat you the way you deserve, who invalidate who you are. Shut them off from your life because they simply don’t deserve you.
It’s all about believe
Either you want it or don’t want it, you will get what you believe you deserve. If you think you’re unworthy, you’re subconsciously attracting more people to make you feel that way and make your life even more miserable. But if you believe that you deserve respect, love and are capable of almost anything in the world, more people will treat you that way. You’re a mirror. Everything outside of you is simply a reflection of what’s inside you. If you want to change what’s outside, then change what is inside.
Every journey of your life will start from inside you, so is self-love. Love yourself, love others.
”Indeed, Allah will not change a condition of a people, until they change what is in themselves.” Quran (13:11)