There is always a thought bubble regarding the wedding night that all of us have in our minds, but choose to stay quiet. The much-hyped affair is always something that we keep hearing about from our friend or refer to the internet for although it hardly provides us with accurate information which leads us to having even more questions than before. But, consulting anyone for that matter can be awkward due to the topic being a big “taboo”. To help you out for that matter, here is a list of information that you should know before your wedding night. Just a quick advice, share all of this with your partner as well to be on the same page.
1. It’s not compulsory to have Intercourse on the First Night
Enjoy each other’s presence and try not to attach any expectations to it rather be comfortable in being intimate with each other. If you both don’t feel like having an intercourse on the first night, then it’s perfectly fine. One of you must be too tired and prefer to sleep in your arms, that’s also fine.
“Relax and keep things natural between you and your wife. Don’t pressure yourself because that can cause you to be anxious and uneasy at a time when you and your wife should be happy. Instead, spend time getting to know each other and eventually intimate with each other.”
2. Sex is a healthy and halaal part of life
All of us have been created by Allah (SWT) with sexual desires and there is nothing wrong in that. But, not to forget that Islam has defined some guideline for us to compulsory follow in order to fulfill our sexual desires. Islam defines this act as a blessing from Allah (SWT).
“And one of His signs is that He has created for you, spouses from amongst yourselves so that you might take comfort in them and He has placed between you, love and mercy. In this, there is surely evidence (of the truth) for the people who carefully think.” (Surah 30, Verse 21)
3. It doesn’t have to hurt
The penetration for the first time might be a little painful and pressure can be expected. However, it’s not supposed to be painful instead, it should be pleasurable. In case it hurts a lot, then stop right away because it might indicate that you need more lubrication or foreplay.
A hadith equates sex without foreplay to animal behavior: “When anyone of you has sex with his wife, then he should not go to them like birds; instead he should be slow and delaying.”
The Prophet (PBUH) said, “No one among you should have sex with his wife like animals; rather there should be a messenger between them.” When asked about the messenger, he said, “It means kissing and talking.”
4. Don’t skip foreplay
Don’t hurry for the main event, instead try to engage pre-sexual behaviors (kissing, touching…etc.) so that it becomes easy for both men and women to have an orgasm. The vaginal canal works in a way that the phenomena of ballooning occurs by arousal before intercourse. It opens up the vagina for penetration otherwise, it gets painful.
The Prophet (PBUH) said, “…every play of a believer is void except in three cases: horse-riding, archery and mutual foreplay with his wife these are haqq.”
Imam ‘Ali (AS) says, “When you intend to have sex with your wife, do not rush because the woman (also) has needs (which should be fulfilled).”
Sex without foreplay has been equated to cruelty. The Prophet (PBUH) said, “Three people are cruel: . ..a person who has sex with his wife before foreplay.”
5. Virginity cannot be defined by “Hymen Check”
The amount of hymenal tissues varies from person to person, some might have thinner, filled with fewer blood vessels or worn away. Thus, the tissues can tear from different things such as physical activity, masturbation, etc. Hence, it’s completely pointless to set the hymen as a marker of whether someone had intercourse before or not.
6. Bleeding varies from person to person.
It happens because due to the tearing of the hymen, which is basically the tissues inside the vagina. Every woman has a different type of hymenal tissue, some aren’t even born with any. Although, some women might bleed a lot so there is no way to predict that.
Imam ‘ Ali ar-Riza (a. s.) said: “There is no problem as long as he uses any part of his own body upon her, but he should not use anything other than his body on her.”
7. Lube Makes It Better
It’s not necessarily for the older people who get wet on their own. So, you better try to add lube if it gets painful while penetration as it can help in feeling more pleasurable and smooth. Prefer a water or silicon-based lube over an oil based one which can potentially mess with the latex condom.
A hadith equates “When anyone of you has sex with his wife, then he should not go to them like birds; instead he should be slow and delaying.”
8. A Man Might Come Quickly But Don’t Make Orgasm Your Goal
Get to know each other’s bodies rather than keeping orgasm as your goal. Try to know what your partner dislikes and likes. It might even take years for you to figure that out. Women don’t have an orgasm at the first round although men at first don’t know how to control themselves. Don’t worry about it and keep your partner’s needs as the top priority. Turn all your attention to pleasing your partner.
In the Quranic expression, for not making it wild:
“Like cattle, nay they are more astray; they are the heedless ones.” (7: 179)
The Qur’an says, for masturbation:
“The believers are… those who protect their sexual organs except from their spouses… Therefore, whosoever seeks more beyond that [in sexual gratification], then they are the transgressors.” (23:5-6)
9. Erectile Dysfunction Should Not Worry You
Remind yourself of all the things that feel good rather than focusing on this because it happens to anyone having the male genital organ. There can be various reasons for that including the pressure and nerves so take a deep breath and stay normal.
10. Talk To Your Spouse And Don’t Make It Like Porn
In case if you have been exposed to porn, then you should remember that real life intercourse is different from what is shown in movies etc. Plus, no man is allowed to make this matter public in order to publicize his respective wife.
It is in Hadith – The Prophet (PBUH) said, “The evilest of the people to Allah (SWT) on the Day of Resurrection will be the man who consorts with his wife and then publicizes her secret. (Muslim).
11. Anal Intercourse And Positions
This sort of an intercourse is forbidden in Islam. It is the worst ever kind of sexual practice that is not even done by the wild animals. Considering the basic coital positions, there is no restriction for any of that.
Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq quoting the Prophet that “The anus of women is haram for my community.”
Allah revealed the verse saying,
“Your women are a tilth for you, so go into your tilth as you like.” (2:223)
12. Intercourse is not allowed during mensuration
Women often experience mood swings during this time of the month which is why the husbands are advised to consider this natural phenomenon. During this period women should not remove their lower garment.
The Qur’an says:
They ask you about menstruation. Say: “Menstruation is a discomfort (for women). Do not establish sexual relations with them during the menses and do not approach them (sexually) until the blood stops. Then when they have cleansed themselves, you go into them as Allah has commanded you.” (2:222)
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