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This world is full of chaos, of sheer disappointment, of eternal sorrows, of piles of filth and of meager ugliness. It would sometimes make me question God for His sole purpose of creation of the universe. You used to preach me best of the conducts, feed my the love for humanity and built in me generosity and mercy for all other creatures. You told me men and women are all equal in the sight of God and that every child of Adam is made out of dust, then why was I not allowed to see the world a little longer?
You would always talk about Oneness of God and His superiority over everything, then how come an inferior man approached me and how come He didn’t answer my please, papa? You had gone to gather His blessings for us and yet, He did not see any of my teardrops flowing down my cheeks? You had convinced me of the idea that all we are, is because of Him, and will return to Him, but was this how He had planned it? You said you’ll never leave my side, papa, then why didn’t you come when I was screaming and weeping and bleeding?
Where were you when that man, whom I didn’t know, took me to a place so dark that I felt myself drowning? Why didn’t you stop me from holding his hand for I had assumed that he was sent by God, temporarily, in place of you? Why didn’t you ever inform me of beasts disguised as humans? But I’m sure I will be the one blamed for everyone’s done with bringing their sympathies. I’m sure you will have to suffer just as much as I did for I belonged to a nation who never stood against crimes.
I don’t remember if I died of suffering or due to fear of living rest of my life as a shame for you. Those times would have been better when daughters were killed in the womb of the mother or buried alive the moment they were born. Why didn’t you do the same, mama? If only God had told me of my fate, I would have at first place pleaded Him to not send me into a world of deceptive illusions and fake love. They say it’s worse to have something and loose than to have it in the first place. I agree the torment tends to increase only.
I’m sorry for causing you dreadful pain, for bringing in your lives a memory extremely hard to crush, a wound immensely difficult to recover and a dishonor too sticky to be washed away. I’m sorry for I can no longer wipe your tears or cuddle silently in between you two at night. I’m sorry I couldn’t live up to your expectations.
Tell bhaiya I’m sorry for always messing up his things. Tell aapi I’m sorry for troubling her with my silliness. Tell the world I’m sorry for my mere existence in that world. But you don’t worry; I’m finally at a place so high I don’t need anyone to be my shelter. I’m at a place so high that all my tears evaporate into nothingness. I’m at a place so high that my spirit is spotless. I’m at a place so high that I won’t have to live with the guilt I was enforced in. I’m at a place so high that my every question and request will be answered.
I’m at a place so high that I will be given this opportunity to watch the justice unfold. I know I’ll be made to forget the very little time I spent there, but your words will always echo in my ears, papa. Perhaps, those were the strongest of all. You had spoken those words with such buoyancy that I can’t forget your delightful face. Khuda ke haan dair hai andhair nahin
They contained such an affirmation I couldn’t dare doubt them, “there may be a delay in the court of God, but never ignorance”, “khuda ke haan dair hai, andher nahin”. I was, I am and I will always be the flower of your blooming garden, papa.