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My name is nobody. Because I don’t have a name I have no identity. I never could develop one I was never given a chance to because I had no childhood. I’m a spectrum of different people my personality can match every color because it was how I was molded to be. You think that’s a good thing. No I was raped. I was a boy and I was raped. Our society is so lost in everything else that it forgot how flawed they are themselves.
I remember so vaguely I was 6 years old I was playing with my dog and that servant sat there and opened his zip. I was scared I screamed. I ran inside my house but till this day I don’t remember further I don’t remember getting to someone who helped me. I try so hard certain days but I just can’t remember anything. As I am typing I am breathing heavily and with my hands shaking all I see is flashbacks. I was a boy and it hurt so much. He didn’t even care that I was too young I’m not made to have sex but he just didn’t care.
I cried so much and tried to hide but I never could my parents were always at work my sisters were busy with their lives. I was helpless. I’m sorry I’m sorry that I was so tempting when I was playing and being a child all you thought was to use me for your sexual fantasies I’m sorry I was so tempting that before my milk teeth fell out my childhood was already broken. It lasted so long from when I was 6 till I was 11. I moved to a foreign country that was how I got security and closure.
My parents are well off we live in the upper class society and they never imagined that a boy would be raped they protected daughters not sons they were understanding but so hurt that they failed in protecting me but I don’t blame them. It’s our society we are so used to making sex a taboo that we don’t realize that people take advantage of innocence of children. I hate Pakistan for that. I’m sorry and at times I hate God for it.
If God wrote that this happens to children that this was in my destiny and he planned this for me he planned that my innocence should be taken advantage of what kind of God is he. I still pray I still fast but I still question God and his theories. Now I’m 18 I have a girlfriend she loves me and gives me strength. I know people won’t but if any girl wants a brother to protect them I will. I will protect them because I know how they feel. Disgusted with themselves and lost. I will help them.
