Here is the “muftas” guide to life, it will teach you exactly how you can get through your college years with absolutely no money at all! Being a student is tough; you have classes, assignments, exams, transport issues and so much more! You can’t be expected to worry about finances and monetary issues as well.
Hence, there are certain people that have found the perfect way to cope with this issues, here are a few points from the “how to be a mufta” hand book.
1. Never pay for your own cigarettes
Cigarettes taste sweeter when they are free. That feeling you get from knowing you didn’t pay for a cigarette is incomparable. Doesn’t matter if you have to borrow, beg or steal, never pay for your own Marlboros!
2. Always, always…”share” Food
“Share” means waiting for your friend to order food, then just eating half of what he ordered. This is also referred to as a “Khabees move“, and if your friends don’t catch on eventually to what you’re doing, keep them for life!
3. Learn how to scout for rich kids at the canteen
Wait for your “iPhone and Polo Shirt friend” to come to the canteen and just make him offer to get you something for you!
It always helps if you brush up your acting skills with a little, “yaar, wallet bhool gaya, samosa dilaa de“.
4. Get A Best Friend Who Has A Car AND loves To Drive
A mufta will never pay for transport; buses, rickshaws and taxis cramp their style, so become friends with a guy who has his own car and loves to drive.
And don’t forget – never ever give money for fuel! Once that happens, the friend might expect you to always contribute to the tank, and ain’t nobody got money for that.
5. Don’t Do Serious Relationships
Serious relationships are just kharchas waiting to happen! Birthdays, anniversaries, buying lunch for your significant other; it’s like the relationship ends up stressing you out more than keeping you happy!
If you really do want to keep a relationship, start fights with your significant other a day or two before their birthday, anniversary or Valentine’s day.
6. Only Give “Anday” To your Friends As A Birthday Gift
A mufta’s best and only gift to his friend on their birthday is an ambush of eggs to the face! Absolutely classic!
7. Borrow Your Course Books
Make friends with your seniors and ask them if you can “borrow” the course books they used in their previous semesters.
Plus points to you if you can get books with notes in them, then you barely need to get someone to take you for class, you’ve already got the notes explaining the chapters to you!
8. Look For Treats On Every Occasion
Kisi ke birthday, bar mitzvah, shaadi, engagament, mangni, pass honi ke kushi and whatever occasion you can find, ask for a treat. A mufta doesn’t even leave Mayyat ke biryanai!
9. Your Wardrobe Should Be 80% Things You “Borrowed” From Your Friends.
“Borrow” in a mufta’s dictionary means taking something with the intention of never giving back! Anything you like, just pick it up, tell your friend you want it for a hangout or date and then never give it back!
10. If You Are Going Out Always Get Ready At A Friends House!
This way you get to use his/ her cologne, facewash, shampoo, deodorant body spray, hair wax and even get to borrow clothes if you want.
No matter what you say about them, muftas are smart and economical, and end up saving more money in a month then we can in a year!
