Twitter is known to be the home of Pakistan’s wittiest and intellectual most accounts and one Pakistani has proven this statement as absolute true with his idea of a Pakistani movie. The different thing about this movie is that it is based on the current chaotic events happening in our country since the past few days.
Meet @XilleIlahi – The Guy Bring You The Future Of Pakistan In His Movie Called “Mere Mutabiq“
Source: twitter.com/xilleilahi
Here’s How It Begins
*Movie Idea Thread*
It is the day of judgement. World’s in flames. Buildings have collapsed. Mountains shattered. Undead risen. WiFi down.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
The Special Camera Effects, Thanks To Our Media
Camera zooms in on people screaming and running away from a graveyard. Graves are spitting out bodies. A reporter rushes to the scene…
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Sabse Pehle Aapne Ye Khabar Kaha Dekhi?
She grabs a portly bald zombie who has just unwrapped himself from a giant tongue. Nazreen Samaa phir bazi le gaya. Ye hein Nusrat Fateh Ali
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Camera pans away. Aerial shot of two thousand km long traffic jam on CPEC road. It does not go through FATA.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Scene shifts to Karachi. More traffic jams. More zombies. Faisal Vawda (Saud) rushing towards seaview on a Harley with 7 police mobiles
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
We move to an aerial shot again. It’s daytime so Sindh govt helicopters allow for this. Zombies swimming in the sea towards Saudi Arabia.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Ahh. The Irony!
Major issues at Saudi immigration. Zombies with Pakistani passports being refused entry. Some in line for deportation.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
The lucky ones get through. Major conflagration between those allowed entry. Some want Owais Qadri naats, others insist on Junaid Jamshed.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Gora zombies stare in awe as one desi zombie chastises angel on duty. Apni namaz ka tariqa durst keejiye.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
More reporters. DSNGs all around. Arafat is jam packed. Sheikh Rasheed comes on screen. Ye koi majma nahin hai. Dharnay mein zyaada that.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Because PTI Can Do This…
Everyone is chanting labbaik. Except one group. They dance. They yell. They scream.
Aaee aaee PTI. Aaee aaee PTI.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
DJ Butt plays jab aaye ga Imran. Crowd goes wild. Imran comes on stage. Oye qayamation! Jannat ki entry mein dhaandli huee hai!
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Camera pans away. Maryam is explaining to jannat immigration that her aamalnaama has been mixed up with her grandfather’s. Saleh Zafir nods.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Sehbai and Moeed are a little way back in the line. Grab an angel. Yaar qayamat kerwanay ke kitnay paise diay hukoomat ne?
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
LOOOOL
Meanwhile Salman Ahmed tweets from Lahore. I am still here. People stay at home. This is not qayamat. I have army intel.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Salman Butt is escorted towards hell by demons in suits. He’s put in a van with Ludhianvi and Hitler. Nauman Niaz punches a demon.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
The breakout attempt fails. Mirza Iqbal Baig is seen commiserating Fawad Rana on never winning a PSL trophy.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Muneeb wonders qayamat akhir aaee kyun. Sethi smiles. Mein batata hoon. Chirya ki khabar hai ke Army ka haath hai.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
One random Pakistani starts a dhamaal on getting his jannat entry stamp. Thirteen beat him down calling him a kafir.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Finally Woke Up From His Sleep?
Qaim Ali Shah is seen smiling as he wishes everyone Eid Mubarak
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
People are stunned as Jannat News runs a teaser of upcoming show Aik Din Jibreel Ke Saath. First guest is Sohail Warraich.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
That girl from Azizi’s show is still laughing.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
The gateway to hell swings open. A glimpse of Amir Liaqat is seen. Beasts are stuffing mangoes down his throat. Eye to eye plays on loop.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Danny Morrison dances to the Pakistan quarter in Jannat. Points out Adeeb Rizvi. ” HE’S EVERYWHERE, THAT MAN!” Other jannatis whisper kaafir
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Scene moves back to Hell. One Pakistani asks another what he’s in for. He retweeted Farhan Virk.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Horrible scenes. Blood. Gore. Fire. Pain. But even worse screams from one corner. Twitter celebs being tortured. Forced to read #KhaasTweets
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Some hellgoers genuinely surprised. Yahan Asma Jahangir nazar nahin aa raheen.. Aray! Ansar Sahib!
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
There are no kids in hell. Except one. He keeps yelling. Mein batata hoon aap ko jannat jaanay ka tareeqa…
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Movie ends with a shot of a zombie in Islamabad. He decides that the movie will not be approved for release in Pakistan.
— Xill-e-Ilahi (@XilleIlahi) February 23, 2017
Upon talking to Parhlo, @XilleIlahi said that he made this thread for 3 main reasons:
1) He had too much green tea.
2) His compatriots were being idiots on Twitter as always, with their exceeding judgementalism and too little empathy.
3) You may refer back to point 1.
On a serious note, here’s what he told us: “Essentially the idea was that everyone wants everything to be about them and their agenda. And we don’t give up the opportunity to air our bigotry no matter what is going on. So even when the greatest calamity of all time will come, in this example qayamat, we’ll all be going on about Panama and Kaafir and dhandli and the like.”
Putting all the cups of green tea aside, as bizarre as the movie idea is, we have a feeling it would prove to be a huge success. The script is everything that is wrong with Pakistan and right with the execution.
