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I was born into a middle-class family where your parents try to fulfill each and every wish of yours. I must say my dad is great no one loves me more than my father but yes, being an introvert and shy, I faced three major incidents which changed my life completely!
My First sexual-harassment experience
I was only 7 years old when I experienced it first. I was is my grandmother’s house with my cousins and siblings. My mother and aunt left us alone and went shopping. Our neighbors (they live 3 houses next to our house) came to our house and offered to play with them at their house. We agreed and went to their house.
The younger boy, aged around 21, Nasir came closer to me, grabbed my hand and said “Ali, Ao Tum Mere Saath Kheloge”, I was very happy that we are going to play. Everyone was giving their opinion on what to play. Nasir was also sitting with us and kept staring at me. At last, we decided to play ‘Hide and Seek’. We all were hiding and it was Nasir’s sister turn to find us. Everyone was hiding in their favorite place when Nasir told me to hide in his blanket. So I hid in his blanket and Nasir came there.
He grabbed me from my back and started touching me. I was about to say what are you doing but he didn’t listen. For a minute, I was shocked at what he had done with me and believe me, I was feeling so bad and guilty. I never thought Nasir could ever do this. Suddenly, Nasir’s sister came and caught us in bed. But Nasir played carefully at that time because he knows his sister can come at any time. I tried to tell this to my elder brother but I couldn’t because I was very shy and I feared that maybe my father would beat him or call the police to arrest him. I didn’t want to spoil my parents’ image so I decided to stay silent about this and forget it.
My Second sexual-harassment experience
The second time, it was not done by Nasir again in the same year. I was with my uncle at my grandmother’s house and Nasir was also in the room. I was watching cartoons on TV when I suddenly fell asleep. I was sleeping when my uncle went outside for smoking and asked Nasir to take care of me until I come back home. Nasir agreed. When my uncle left, Nasir quickly closed the door and then jumped on me start taking my pants off.
I saw that Nasir had already taken his pants off and also trying to off my pants. He was holding his penis in his hands and asked me to hold it and put it into your mouth. I was crying and I didn’t know what to do. I continued to fight with him thinking he’d let me go. But he didn’t. I couldn’t go because he grabbed my hand tightly. But later, I successfully freed myself from that animal. I started running towards the door and he was also coming behind me. I opened the door and ran outside the house.
That’s when I saw my uncle coming and I let out a sigh of relief. When Nasir saw my uncle, he went inside immediately. Again, I couldn’t dare tell my uncle what he was trying to do with me during your absence. I decided I will never go to my grandmother’s house. But apparently, my parents kept sending me there so that I could eat something. We were financially unstable and there were times when my father and mother wouldn’t eat anything for a week.
I don’t want to create more tension for my parents. So, yet again, I decided to stay silent.
My Third sexual-harassment experience
It was a holiday when I was playing outside with my cousin. We were feeling hungry and decided to eat something. So my cousin asked me to get some samosas and french fries. I agreed. The shop was almost 1 kilometers away from my house. When I reached the shop, I felt someone was touching my lower back.
I turned around and saw a guy who must be around the age of 25 rubbing his penis on my hips in public and no one was watching him because it was a busy road. I slightly moved forward so that he would not touch me again. After sometimes, he came closer to me again and started rubbing his penis again. I again moved forward in his opposite direction but he did the same yet again. After getting my food stuff, I started walking towards home. I saw he was following me. I just walked some more steps and then started to run. I was just running so that he will not chase me. And then I reached home safely.
My sexual-abuse experience
Yes again, but now it’s a complete sexual abuse experience when I was 12. I was fond of animals and bird. I always would always cry when I used to see my goat being slaughtered on Eid-ul-Adha. So here it begins.
Just in the next street of my house, an old man lived whose age was around 55 years old. People called him ‘CHACHA-Uncle’. He had many pigeons at his home. One day, I went there because I wanted to see the pigeons very closely. I went there and said that I want to go and play with the pigeons. He agreed and said, “Son, you can come whenever you want”. I was very happy that chacha allowed me to come and play with pigeons whenever I want to. I went there daily and played with pigeons.
One day, just after the two-weeks, CHACHA came closer to me and kissed me on my cheeks. I thought he is like my father and kissing me like his own son. After a week, when I was playing with pigeons CHACHA called, “Son come here”. I went there when he suddenly grabbed my mouth and start kissing me on my mouth and lips aggressively. He tried to do a french kiss with me. When I wouldn’t open my mouth, he would squeeze me hard so I would shout or open my mouth so that he put his tongue in my mouth.
He did the same again and again. This time, he threw me on the floor and took off my pants. I was crying when he grabbed me. I tried my best to free myself from him but failed because he grabbed me so tightly. He applied some saliva on his finger and then put his finger on my anus. I screamed loudly hoping someone would come and freed myself from this animal. But no one came because it was a completely packed place. When I screamed loudly, he put two of his fingers inside as he loved to hear my screams. He continued to do this with me for almost 20 minutes. I was in complete shock and I wasn’t even able to move. But I gathered some courage to stand and walk home.
Again, I decided to stay silent because my father was very aggressive and I thought that maybe my father will kill him or beat him to death.
Advice To Parents!
I want to say to all the parents, elder brothers and sisters who are reading my story, please always pay attention to your younger ones and sons/daughters. They want your attention, your love, your time. They always want to share their issues with you but they can’t because of no courage. They live with these type of experiences and later, they become a victim of depression. Their past never stops chasing them.
Today, I am the victim. Tomorrow, it will be your younger brother/sister. Not only girls are the victim of this cruel society, we boys are too. We are also victims. We are also living with such worst past.