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Coping with loss. It seems just a sentence without any meaning attached to it, unless or until you lose a person who means the world to you. Being human we all believe that everyone has to die. And if we narrow it down, as a Muslim we know that we have to return to ALLAH after. but as we all know that after any death of people whom we love.
We have the hard time getting back to life through whatever is our belief system we resist the will of GOD or any other higher power we believe on. And it is very common many people who lose they’re conscious when they experience the death of loved one. Some of us go into shock and don’t cry, some of us cry a river, some people concentrate on their religious duty or rituals and try to avoid the natural phenomenon of grief.
But again, in our society (yes, it is a rant about our culture) is it allowed to follow the normal pattern of grief? or a death of a person becomes a social circus for the person who lost their loved one or says lifeline. You wonder why I said social circus yeah it does.
With everybody who comes to mourn the person who passes away and proving to the deceased’s family that they should mourn him too. Does society is allowed to do that or they have to show their support for the family by helping in any mean to stay strong. But what happened in our society is that people who should be in mourning and in shock are the people who are busy in catering people needs. You might disagree but believe me, I saw people creating a competition on how and who will be giving the meal of next time to the family in mourning and many people just get free from responsibility by sending them food my question is are they in condition to have the appetite?
We should be there to feed them to console them that eating food is not about the celebration. it is about going on with life. Because people who face death in their homes might haven’t eaten from as long as a day. But what we do instead of people who eat food after the death of loved the one we mock them that food means more to them then the loved one. That’s not the right practice we should put ourselves in their shoes and should understand how do they feel.
Then there comes the other thing where everybody gets into the competition about how the deceased one close to them. Do you think the family cares about it? Your humble and kind words would have meant a lot to them. In Muslims reading a QURAN for the deceased is highest dua anyone can make for them, but now reading Quran at deaths is so over. Yeah because people don’t have time to read it at deaths.
They are so busy gossiping about the family who gave the GHUSAL, who is there for JANAZA and who couldn’t make it. Leave all this to the family and be there for their social and psychological support. Believe me, life is all about KARMA, your support for the family return to you.
Now I have come to my main point about the stages of loss. When we lose anyone we go through deniable its natural but afterward came guilt of doing any bad to the dead one. Then comes the bargaining my loved one is not sick enough or the old enough, the other lady should have passed away instead of my loved one. And finally, when the magnitude of loss registers on you, depression came running to you and at that time no help no counseling helps you.
But let the depression run over it time period because once you experience it, with time it will wash over and you will return to the routine by adjusting to the reality that the loved one is no more there to cherish or celebrate you. Then when your mind is clearer you will start reconstructing your life without them and accept the fact of death. Though it doesn’t give you instant happiness (like instant coffee or instant noodles ready in 2 minutes) with time you will settle down.
In the end, we should remember this that all this doesn’t have the time period and there is nothing wrong with experiencing emotional roller coaster. Now it depends on you what you do to ease the pain turn to society (which is not going to help) or turn to the paid counsellor or turn to ALLAH who has promised you that “I have granted sabar to the dead family because its not easy to heal if I don’t grant sabar”.