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What made you feel everything lasts forever, little one? You’re just another nitwit if you fell for his vague promises. The naked truth however is that unquestionably nothing will stay with you. You feel whipping yourself emotionally over that ‘special one’ is praiseworthy? No, it is not. Do not let yourself sink into the deep abyss of darkness where he created an imaginary fairytale for you. Just because that asshole left you? Define forever to yourself. Over and over again. You thought it was going to last forever because his foul tongue said so? How could you trust that polluted tongue of his? You want to let another arrogant and selfish soul define your existence? Question yourself. The answer lies within. This was not love. It was pure infatuation that you have categorized in your little fantasy bubble as ‘love’ which he conveniently pricked and you came crashing down from the seventh sky he initially placed you on. Love does not equate to being good enough. Love is a natural feeling which has now been ruined by the existence of humans who choose to prefer the phrase ‘She is not good enough or he is not good enough’.
Love knows no boundaries. Love is fierce. Why would you let another empty being let you define your worth? Who knows what’s inside that beautiful heart of yours? Don’t push yourself to an extent where you no longer have the strength to see the real reflection that awaits you every single day. The world awaits your passionate soul to stand out without letting a heartless beast like him use you as a mere tool for their satisfaction. How do you define love? You think love is when you can’t stop pondering over what that prig was looking like the other day? Is it love when you recall old memories of how closely you stitched yourself close to his body? Is it love when you weep your heart out after the clock strikes 12 and you pull yourself to sleep? Is it love when you think he was the ‘one’ who made you feel wonderful every following second. Will you call this love if only his text flashes a smile across your swollen face because of last night? Your tears are still stored in that pillow you buried your soft face under last night.
Will you call this LOVE? If yes, ask yourself. If this is love for you, then why are you not ‘good enough’? Darling, if it were love, you would be the perfect soul next to his soul, entwined into a world where it would be you two only.
He is not capable enough of being defined as a human. Humans feel. Humans understand. Humans respect feelings. He never fell into any of the above category. His tongue is as sharp as a razor blade for you. If it were love, you would not waste your life over someone who wouldn’t call you back up if he heard your voice tearing down on the phone. If it were love, he would not just say sorry. If it were actual love, real love, he would prove it. If this was love for you, he would never nauseate you with his words, abuse you, humiliate you or leave you in a state where you question your own sanity. If he really ‘cared’ about your existence, the word ‘good enough’ would not have existed. He does not care or love you.
Love is a strong word. This was and always will be a petite infatuation that has made you bold. This is a disgrace to the most beautiful word, love. He insulted you; he abused the purity of the divine love you stored for him. Would you still want to thrash yourself over an animal that would not move an inch for you knowing you ‘need’ him let alone ‘want him’.
Is he your ‘need’ or is he your ‘want’. Decide. Do you want him because every time he says out your name you flush with pleasure? Do you ‘want’ him because his good looks sweep you off your feet and make you feel weak within, or because his charm makes you tremble, or because his voice makes you feel safe? Or do you ‘need’ him because he can protect you? Do you need him because he is different and can present to you the most beautiful fairytale that you have dreamt of as a little girl? Do you need him because your heart feels at ease when you talk to him? Do you need him because you feel he will ‘love’ or ‘care’ for you? Or do you JUST need him because you have nobody else to shower ‘love’ on you?
No, you do not need him nor do you want him. You have fallen more than ever beneath his spell. You just possess a burning need to have him.
Remember, a mistake is a mistake. Sorry is just a word with no feelings. His sorry will not compensate to the countless tears you’ve let out. His sorry will not return to you your normal life or your sanity. His sorry will not make you love him more. His words are as vague as his existence and his sorry to you is as doubtful as the fairytale you’ve created in that head of yours.
You live in a pretty delusion if you feel his sorry means he is guilty. He is not guilty. If that was true, he would come straight to you, express himself and let you in. He would accept you the way you are to the world, as a passionate lover for him, he would accept you darling.
But the sheer truth lies in the fact that he does not and will not return to you just because you are hurt. Being hurt is normal. If he hurt you, he will hurt someone else and eventually he will forget about you, the pain he caused you and the damage he placed within. Yes, trust me. He will forget about it. He will fuck someone else and forget your existence in the blink of an eye. He will see another gorgeous face pass by and forget you were around the corner. You know which category such boys fall under? They are blood sucking animals.
What will you do? Will you still say you love him? Dear, you do not deserve to be loved in a manner that will crush your heart open and never allow you to live or love again. You have such little pride within if you still say ‘I love him’.
Do not let yourself swallow this poisonous pitcher that he’s forcing down your throat and you feel it’s the most honeyed taste in the world. For a while, you will feel your fairytale is true. Slowly, when that poison spreads, you will die, miserably. It will be the most horrendous death over which you would prefer being stabbed right through your heart. Can you still not see that man’s just a louse?
Do you need that? Do you want that? Question yourself. Re-evaluate your definition of love and the kind that you deserve.
Then ask yourself, ‘Do I really need to be good enough for him? But you know there lies a treasure deep within. He’s carving a way for someone who deserves you. Thank him. Thank him for wrecking you so another soul walks in and strings your broken pieces together. Thank him for showing his true self when all you saw was a ‘prince’ within. Thank him for being the most fucked up animal chewing hearts and spattering them out. This is not your fairytale, little girl and never will be. You know why?
Because all that glitters isn’t gold and he’s just another sugar coated poisonous pill you want to be addicted to.