I was 16, studying at a boarding school in Taxila, while my parents lived in a village with my autistic younger brother. As my father was a landlord, they chose to live there while allowing me to study in a better place. Life was decent – my boarding school was an all-girls school, making my parents worry about my safety.
I still remember very clearly. 7 years ago, when winters were just about to start, when the warden had come to me and asked me to attend my uncle’s call. I still remember how my heart broke at the news of my parents and my younger brother dying in that car accident. I still remember how my whole world came crashing down in just one minute.
All of a sudden, I had lost everything. My whole family, gone, and I was left alone to face the worst time of my life. I was young and scared. I could not study at the boarding school anymore as there was nobody to pay for my expenses or make me continue.
The worst time of my life started with my family dying and my maternal uncle coming onto the scene. He was young, somewhere around 26-28 years. He lived in Multan and was working as a computer operator in a firm. He had only gotten married a year back and his wife was expecting. He was the only family I had left as my father had already disowned my paternal family.
The next few months were to be living hell for me. After I started living with my mamu and his wife, things were stable at first. I had a separate room and he and his wife would sleep in another one.
One night, the electricity was out and the three of us were sitting in the lounge and that’s when it all started. As he talked about how nice my father was, he started running his hands on my leg, feeling them up.
I was 16! I did not know how to react to it sitting in his house. He took absolute advantage of the darkness and started feeling me up properly, I was dying inside but I had no one to save me. NO ONE.
The same night, I was very scared and I asked my maami (his wife) if I could sleep with her to which she said she was already sick and needed to sleep in her room. She too didn’t know me very well as she had just recently married this bastard who was my uncle.
The next day everything was going fine until he came into my bedroom later that night while his wife slept (she did a lot as she was pregnant). He came sat next to me and… unzipped his pants and pulled them down and forced my hand onto him. I tried to scream but his strong arms had gripped my mouth completely and he kept whispering he would kill me if I made a single noise..
He grabbed me by the hair and made me do sickening things I had never heard of back then. I was a child! A child who was studying among other girls in a boarding school! I had come from a village!
He took my clothes off forcefully, slapping me whenever I cried loud, he tried stuffing his whole fist in my mouth just so I would stay quiet. He would force himself on me and try to kiss me as he raped me, like I was his wife. He had me naked on the bed… He took my innocence that night, as I lied on the bed for the rest of the night, naked, disgusted, bleeding, crying and dead. I had lost everything. Once again.
The bastard continued this for the next 3 weeks at his will and I could never speak or scream because he had me so scared and cornered. He would make me do the most disgusting things to him and than rape me the way he wanted at any time of the night, just woke me up and used me the way he wanted.
He killed my self-respect, he killed me.
I had nobody to speak to. All day long his wife made me do her chores and at night.. the bastard would rape me.. and he would threat me that if I told anyone he would put a child in me as well, making me pregnant like his wife.. imagine that on a 16 year old who was being raped by her uncle..
A few months later.. I couldn’t take it anymore.. the life inside of me was fading.. I ran from his house. I stole some money from his wife’s purse and I ran while he was at work. I went to bus station and went back to the boarding school. I told my warden that I did not want to live with that family and if she would let me live with her.. she was a kind soul who arranged a lawyer to grant me protection under the boarding school.
Seven years later, I have never seen that man again. I have no family, nothing. I live in an apartment alone in Lahore. My whole world fell apart on 16-October-2009 and till date, it hasn’t gotten better. My childhood, my innocence, my life ruined. Who do I tell? Who do I ask for help? I thought of committing suicide a million times but I am a coward.
He ruined me.