Disclaimer*: The articles shared under 'Your Voice' section are sent to us by contributors and we neither confirm nor deny the authenticity of any facts stated below. Parhlo will not be liable for any false, inaccurate, inappropriate or incomplete information presented on the website. Read our disclaimer.
Three years ago I got married to the woman who I admired the most in this world. I never imagined my wife to leave the house and work. I’m not a conservative person, but yes, the very idea that my lady love had to leave the house and work was not a comfortable one for me. I met Sarah in university, our normal academic friendship turned into a very strong bond. A year later I got engaged to her, I was pretty aware of her ambitious nature and that one day she will ask me “Honey, can I work?”, honestly speaking I was always prepared for this one coming.
Let me tell you a little about her and my nature, we are both a combination of water and fire, according to our zodiacs, I’m an Aquarius and she is a Sagittarius, so the diversity in our natures is somewhat also due to our horoscopes. When our relationship started, we both accepted our flaws and good things, we both understood each other’s nature. We were the kind of couple who would complement each other.
I belonged to a typical middle-class Pakistani family. I had a well-educated background and I always believe that women are equal to men. But like I said earlier, I’m not conservative, but I am not comfortable with the idea of women working. I’m quite sure many women won’t like this perspective and will not agree with it, and that’s fine. So many times I have come across columns and blogs in newspapers that focus on how men of our nation have bound their wives to stay home, or how working women face difficulties in their married life.
The normal impression of a man is that they want to captivate their wives and keep them locked up in the “char-deewari” of the house. The only life their wives have is to stay home take care of the house, make gol-rotis and obviously produce babies. This dumb concept doesn’t end here, it also adds that men feel a sense of pride in making their wives beg for money when they could have a stable future and a better career on the basis of the education that they have.
To be honest, this is not the reality, all these concepts are bogus, in some cases it can be true, but in majority cases it’s not. We men love our ladies and we feel happy when they ask us to fulfill their needs. Now, Sarah is quite a calmed nature person, but the only time we get into a heated argument is when she learns that some “falanh falanh” friend of hers is working and I have put an end to her shining career.
Before getting married, I asked her not to think about working. Why did I do that? To be honest, I don’t have an answer to it, at least not just one answer to it, there are a lot of thoughts intermingled.
My first counter answer to this question was that the very thought of her staying out of the house for a 9-to-5 job was quite annoying, not because I had some trust issues or I was insecure about her being financially more stable than me. Actually, some men do have these thoughts and that’s why they stop their wives from working, I, however, had a different set of reasons.
The issue was her working in an environment where there are other males, you must be thinking didn’t I just said I trust her, I still stick to that statement the problem is me being a guy, I’m aware of men and their mentality, no matter how beautiful their wives are they just can’t stop ogling over other women.
Another reason is I know how stressful and tiring a full-time job is, I’m quite aware of how good women are in dealing stressful situations, the fact is they are far stronger than us men in dealing situations that are physically and emotionally stressful. So my counter reason for this one was, seeing her come back home irritated and stressed listening to all the crap from bosses and seniors, made me irritated as if I couldn’t provide her with what she required.
One more reason that I gave her was the diversion of attention. It’s quite obvious when you work you do it for money, and the person or enterprise paying you will require you to give in your best efforts, this means that all the concentration and dedication belongs to your work. So as a married woman while you are at work you can’t really do much about home and kids, and by the time you are back home you are tired and stressed which ultimately make her agitated.
So if you try to understand my perspective, my reasons for stopping her from work are not really irrational. I’m not one of those husbands who doesn’t really bother about their wife’s needs, in fact, I love it when she comes up to me requesting me to buy her stuff that is completely useless for her.
But recently, I understood and realized that the present era no longer requires one to leave home and work.
I mean the trend of freelancing is so in, it’s like everyone is doing it now, I gave this suggestion to my wife and she completely loved it. It’s been two years now she is working as a successful freelance writer, she got what she wanted “a job”, be it from home or anywhere else and I got what I wanted her to stay home. So we both are quite happy now.
The moral of this story is that women need to understand that your guy loves you; he is not jealous or insecure about you. The only reason is to protect you and keep you safe.