Life of skinny people isn’t that easy as it seems. Being blessed with the power of eating as much as one can and worrying about weight, there are always going to be some people who are really curious about how skinny beings manage to survive. Following are the most ridiculously retarded questions one can ask skinny people.
1. Don’t your parents feed you?
Nope. Not at all. We live in Guantanamo Bay and we are not given any food at all. And if you don’t believe that just know that we are adopted and our parents don’t mind giving us food. They don’t really care if we eat or not live or die. We are sad, miserable people oh brethren, save us. FEED US!
2. Bro don’t you eat anything?
Nahi yar hum rozay rakhte hain usual days main bhi. We don’t eat at all. We don’t survive on food, we survive on love and hope only. Food is not important. Gautama Buddha is our inspiration. We are in a constant state of Nirvana, food doesn’t matter to us.
3. You have gotten more skinny, what do you do?
Pray. We pray to God to make us skinny. So skinny that we vanish into thin air and nobody can see us. We love being this way. We love getting body shamed. It’s our personal choice to be skinny as hell.
We close our eyes like Baapu – the father of all skinny people and pray to God to make us skinnier than we usually are.
4. “Yaar apki shirt main tou 3-4 aur nahi fit hojayengay?”
Hojayengay? Bro we do that all the time. We buy one shirt and our whole family fits into the same goddamned shirt. See how skinny people can save money by not buying extra clothes?
5. When desi aunties see you the first question they ask, “Haye mera puttar kitna kamzor hogaya hai tension hai koi?”
Yes auntie, I am really worried about rice crops this year. And I can’t stop thinking about things like why aren’t Pokemons real? Also why did I not get my letter from Hogwarts yet? You ask me “Tension hai koi?” THESE ARE THE TENSIONS. And most of all, you are the biggest tension.
6. Do you starve yourself to death?
Of course we do. We are allergic to food. We hate food.
7. Do you fly away during storms?
Alhamdulillah. We do. And the good thing about that is we don’t even need a ticket to travel by air, we just wait for the storm to take us away.
8. Do you do drugs?
Haha. Do we? DO WE NOW? Yes. Everything. We do it like we are being paid for it.
So these are some weirdly stupid questions almost every skinny person has encountered. But next time someone asks you if you eat, reply with this:
"patlay hogaye ho kuch khatay nahi ho?"
"kya khaatay ho?"
— Rana Talha Asfar 🇵🇰 (@RTAluvzAfridi) January 17, 2015