With all their panache and grandiosity, desi shadis are still quite up high on our list of ‘desi things we hate’. Here’s why…
1. (Bi) Polar Extremes
The conservative and liberal extremes. It’s either ‘strict segregation we can’t even have food cooked by a male here’ or ‘let’s show a lot of skin and dance our asses off’. Which means you have to have two sets of clothes, and two set of behaviors appropriate for the respective settings.
2. 89844 functions
Desi shadi celebrations go on for longer than some people’s marriages actually last.That roughly translates to 89844 dresses, 89844 shoes and 89844 hairstyles.
3. Meeting relatives
They’ll scan you from top to bottom, express their incredulity over how you’ve become older, ask you what you’ve been doing with your life, and then give their valuable opinion over the issue.
4. Family feuds
If, God forbid, it’s a family wedding, it’s all about “But she said this to me” and “They didn’t let me do this”. Endless family feuds over the most minute of issues.
5. Avoiding rishta aunties
This is the operating ground of the world’s most dangerous predator. They have the vision of a bat, the olfactory sense of a bear. Be safe. Disguise yourself with the ugliest of makeup and dresses. They won’t even come near you, trust me.
6. “Ab tumhari baari hai”
They’re all interested in destroying your life the way theirs got destroyed in childhood because they were too stupid to put a foot down and object to it.
7. The traditions you can’t make head or tail of
Countless stupid and awkward shadi rituals, which if you don’t engage in, you’ll incur the wrath of God, your ancestors and relatives upon yourself.
8. The way the guests lose their shit over food
Let’s be honest; this is the reason everyone goes to shadi’s. But let’s not make that too obvious, shall we?
So, how about simple white dress weddings?