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Gone are the days when our morning shows were something to look forward to while getting ready for work, university or simply for the joy that they brought to our mornings. Welcome to 2016! Where our morning shows have stooped to extremely low standards in the name of “entertainment”.
Nevertheless, here are the 6 steps to create the perfect morning show!
DON’T ACTUALLY DISCUSS ANY INSIGHTFUL TOPICS
From discussing saas bahu (mother-in-law/daughter-in-law) dramas, to digging into the personal lives of celebrities, feeding on any irrelevant and dirty gossip, to discussing anything for the sake of ratings, and when I say anything, I mean ANYTHING. No matter how vulgar, offensive, immature or immoral it may be, because the days where mass media was used as an instrument to educate and enlighten the public are long gone.
INVITE ON “YOGA TEACHERS” TO TEACH “YOGA”
Focus on the inverted commas, of-course.
Need to say more? I repeat – anything for ratings.
Tharak la-ilaaj hai Nojawanoooun!
MARASSI IS THE BEST THEME
Doesn’t matter what time of the year it is. Ask all your guests to sing and dance for the audience, because that is EXACTLY what we want to start our early mornings with.
DON’T DRESS APPROPRIATELY
Especially if you’re the host. Go ALL OUT. Who cares if this is supposed to be a family show? Cake on those 10 layers of makeup. Add a touch of vulgarity and you’re set. How else are you suppose to attract viewers? With quality content and professionalism? Aren’t you funny. Sit down.
ARRANGE A MARRIAGE – (since you’re dressed for the occasion)
Mayoun, Mehendi, Baraat – host all the functions while you’re at it because… you can?
ARRANGE AN EXORCISM
Dead serious. Invite on a fake “Exorcist”. Arrange for a fake caller and act out for an exorcism to take place ON THE PHONE.
And suggest highly unintelligent ways to deal with Kalla Jadoo (Black Magic).
Steps 1-6 and reeepeaat! You’ve got youself a super hit Morning show. Thank me later.