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First of all, I want to be clear that this is just my opinion and my advice. Maybe I am wrong to share this with people who will not agree with me. I know this is what is right for me and I really don’t care what people think. If my perspective on this issue affects even one girl, my moral duty will be complete. I agree that everyone has opinions and everyone’s opinion matters and has to mean something. It’s not in my DNA to confront people but I am always willing to share my opinions.
So here are some guidelines that all girls should follow from their teenage years to their old age:
FOR SINGLE TEENAGE GIRLS:
1: First of all, just forget about the past and the people who did wrong to you.
“If you eat bitter almond or cucumber you just throw out you should do the same with bitter memories”
2: Make rules in your life and rule # 1 should be “right is right and wrong is wrong” Even if your brother, sister or best friend did something wrong, do not support that behavior. Don’t be a hypocrite. Always stand with the truth no matter how hard it is. Maybe people will hate you for this but they will understand later that it’s also good for them and they might not repeat the mistake.
3: Please don’t be like some DESI AUNTIES, who always talk about others. Backbiting (gheebat) is the biggest sin that will never let you focus on your own life. Imam ALI (a.s) said:
“The worst of our faults is our interest in other people’s faults.”
4: If you see someone who’s doing something bad or committing sins, just pretend that you didn’t see anything. We are not the judges who get to decide. We should hide other peoples secrets and sins just like God hides our sins from others. Imam Ali (a.s) said:
“If one night you see someone committing a sin, tomorrow do not look at him as a sinner. He may have repented during the night and you did not know.”
5: COOKING, SEWING CLOTHES & DRIVING: These things are important to learn it doesn’t matter if you have a good chef or good mother who cooks good, a tailor & a driver. If you know these things you will not be a beggar or be dependent on someone else.
6: If you have problems please don’t post sad things on facebook. it makes people feel that you want sympathy or attention. That’s all!!
7: If you really want to share with someone, share with a person who is mature enough and sensible enough to guide you properly. But sometimes they are not what they seem. So don’t trust anybody but yourself. Try to solve your problems by yourself or with the help of God.
Everyone has problems and every problem has a solution. We just make it complicated. Remember STRONG WOMEN never depend on someone or want support or sympathies from anyone. It’s ok if you share something in your past with someone but do not continue. Be your own helper.
8: Make goals and aims in life that what you want to become rather than thinking with whom you will marry. Because EDUCATION is really important.
9: It doesn’t matter what you want to become – a psychologist, sports teacher, doctor, artist, engineer, fashion designer etc but just become SOMETHING. It will be your IDENTITY.
P.S: Do not study something in which you don’t have interest. Always study what you’re passionate about.
10: Be SOCIAL. You should join an organization or school clubs or group activities.
11: At least join a Sports TEAM, it doesn’t matter if it’s bowling, tennis, swimming or soccer etc.
12: COOKING: Please learn how to cook and bake. It doesn’t matter if you have a chef or a mother. You should know how to cook and bake. It’s not an insult. Even Queen Elizabeth prepares food. She is the queen, it’s not affecting her status so why do you think it will affect your status….GROW UP!!
13: SEWING CLOTHES: many girls thinks it’s an insult!! Lol..it’s not an insult, it’s your inferiority complex (ehsas e kamtari). Some girls think it will affect their status. Let me be clear: the children who see money since their childhood, they will not think like this. However, the people who see new money (no dolatya) they will think like this. I think at least you should know how to fix a button.
14: DRIVING: you should know how to drive and fixing a flat tire. It doesn’t matter if you have a driver or mechanic. You just don’t have to depend on anyone. That’s all!!
15: GROCERY: You should go to the grocery store yourself so you will know about food powders (masaley) and ingredients.
16: Please if you have leftover food or spoiled food, don’t just throw it in the garbage. Put it on a platter for the birds, they will come in the morning or evening and they’ll eat it.
P.S: Crush the bread or if there’s something hard so they can eat easily
17: GARDENING: you should know how to water plants and which plants need sunlight or shade.
18: ORGANIZE EVERYTHING: your cupboards, your family members cupboards, kitchen and bathroom cabinets…also the garage and your car. Keep everything clean. I don’t understand why some girls feel proud when they have a messy room or a messy car.
19: At least twice a week go with your siblings or cousins to an educational place and plan another day for entertainment. Keep a Balance.
20: Never skip Namaz (prayer).
21: BE YOURSELF: Never think that your language (Urdu), HIJAB or anything regarding you is insulting and NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR GOALS!!
FOR THE GIRLS WHO ARE IN RELATIONSHIP OR MARRIED:
22: First of all, please focus on your education and goals. Just try to understand that you’re not born just to be in a relationship or a marriage. Nowadays 80% girls just think they are here for relationships and/or marriage.
23: If you’re in a relationship or married, please never complain of small things to your life partner.
24: TRUST: fully trust your life partner. Trust is a very important thing. Never doubt them and if you have any doubts, please ask them directly don’t just make assumptions.
25: Please do not ask for GIFTS and do not accept expensive gifts before NIKAH, because it will simply affect your self-respect and your parents’ self-respect as if they did not fulfill your wishes, and now that’s why you’re a gold digger.
26: PAST: if he had something wrong in his past or still does ( present ) just try to forget about it because you and everyone has a past.
27: Please do not compare your life partner, children or siblings with other people. Conflicts start when you start to compare.
28: If you’re in a relationship or married. you’re not just linked or related to the boy….you’re now related to his entire family and each and every member. NEVER say anything bad to them. A popular trend nowadays is some girls wanting a separate home. Pathetic thinking!! You just came in his life and they are in his life from many years.
29: Cast & sect problems: if you’re married to the other cast like Shia, Sunni, Christian, Hindu, Sikh etc please RESPECT each other’s religion and sect.
30: If you live abroad and your life partner is in Pakistan or somewhere else. You should go there rather than calling him here. If you want him to come to your country so invite his whole family not just the boy because it’s really hard to leave the family alone there.
“Home is incomplete without a mother in law”
31: Please RESPECT your Mother in law like you do your own mother. Even when your mother gets angry or shouts at you …you still love her right ?? So why not maintain the same behavior with your mother in law too?
32: Gain your mother in law’s Love and Trust and love her more than her own son. Do not make her feel that just because you have come into his life he is close to you, that he is closer to you in comparison to his mom. Obviously, she will feel bad and she should feel bad.
33: Do small things to make your mother in law HAPPY.
For example: If you’re going in a car. Let her sit in front with him on behind driving seat. You should sit in the back because your mother in law deserves the same respect that you would give your own mother.
Whatever your life partner is just because of his parents. So RESPECT them as you do with your parents.
34: If you’ve had a FIGHT or any conflict with your life partner, do not discuss with anyone, especially with your friends and family. Keep it private between you and him.
35: If you have a really serious conflict with your life partner and you really want to share with someone, just share with his mother. She could help make him understand because she raised him and she knows him more than anyone.
36: If you’re going somewhere first INFORM your mother in law and let her know like you would your own mother in your home.
37: If there is Father’s Day or Mother’s Day, so buy the same gifts for your parents and for your parents in law because both are equal in the family.
38: Try to be close with your life partner’s siblings. Treat them like your own siblings.
39: Daily night and morning give a cup of milk to your mother in law and father in law, take care of their medicine and food and small things as you would do with your own parents.
40: If you’re going outside for dinner or lunch, make sure to take your life partners, siblings, and parents, too.
41: If someone says a bad thing about your in-laws react strictly so they will not do it again. It is difficult to hear criticism and negative statements about your own family. You need not tolerate such discussions about your second family either. How can you listen to anything negative about your second family?
42: Do not just depend on maids and servants ….help them and try to make food by your hands for your life partner and his family.
43: If you have children, always teach them, to tell the truth. Please do not support them or save them if their grandparents scolding them on the right thing.
44: Be a friend to your children so they will share everything easily. If you will scold your children they will never share anything with you.
45: If your children make a mistake, remember that you were also a child you did more than this.
46: Always scold your children on wrong things like if they are lying etc and teach them good things and be their best friend.
47: Always, always support your life partner in both good and bad situations.
48: Organize your home so that your parents in law and life partner will feel lucky to have you.
FOR OLDER WOMEN:
49: You all are well experienced, so just try to be decent according to your age and love your daughter in laws as you love your daughters.
50: At last but not least, the theme of this is to become a professional and housewife both because you’ve moved with the world too not a just housewife.
Try To Be A Proud Role Model and Kind generous loving HUMAN, GIRL, DAUGHTER, GRANDDAUGHTER, SISTER, FRIEND, BEST FRIEND, GIRLFRIEND/ FIANCÉE/ WIFE, DAUGHTER IN LAW, BHABI, MAMI, PHUPHO, CHACHI, KHALA, Mother in law and GRANDMOTHER etc.