Marriage is a beautiful relation where two individuals decide to live together and share their happiness and sadness that they carry in their hearts. However, it sometimes turns into a chronic pain as all partners disagree about different things due to the difference of opinion and ideas as long as they are living under a roof together. Although it’s always better to resolve it with dignity and respect before it leads to a bigger disaster called “divorce”. To save your married life from going into the deep sad phase, here is a list of tips that you should note down and revise to handle your problems with ease.
1. WHO IS IN CONTROL?
This is the hottest topic in a couple’s life that keep on troubling the minds of both since the day they decided to sign those nikkah papers. Majorly, it leads to a huge disagreement as well as hurtful feelings, and then enters the tug-war of compromise that makes it even more worse. As per the Islamic principle, a man is the leader of the house but that doesn’t give him the position of a dictator to do whatever he liked.
Allah (SWT) instructs in the Quran that:
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنْفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ ۚ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ ۚ
“Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded…”(Surah 4, Verse 34)
It must not be forgotten that this verse denotes a leader to be humble, careful and protective when it comes to taking a decision. Justice and equality should be the first priority. A husband must follow the rules of the Holy Quran, Prophet (P.B.U.H) and the Ahlul Bait (A.S).
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ
“O’ you who have true faith! Save yourselves and your families from the fire which is fueled by people and stones and is guarded by stern angels who do not disobey Allah’s (SWT) commands and do whatever they are ordered to do.” (Surah 66, Verse 6)
2. KEEPING DIVORCE AS AN OPTION
Back in the day, this seven letter word was considered as the worst thing that couple happens to a couple. But now, it has been termed as an easy escape while attaching any explanation for it. This mistake could happen from both sides either it is the husband or the wife who is pushing for it, thinking that its the only choice left to work towards betterment. Nonetheless, It should stick to the minds of a couple that out of all the things that Allah created, divorce is amongst the one that he hates the most.
Holy Prophet (P.B.U.H) has told us that:
ما خَلَقَ اللهُ شَيْئاً عَلى وَجْهِ الأَرْضِ أَحَبَّ مِنَ الْعَتاقِ وَلا خَلَقَ شَيْئاً عَلى وَجْهِ الأَرْضِ أَبْغَضَ مِنَ الطَّلاقِ.
“Allah (SWT) has not created on the face of this Earth anything more beloved by Him than freeing a slave, and He has not created anything on the face of this Earth more despised than divorce.”
Divorce is never the only option left which is why its recommended over and over again to seek help from anyone to resolve their matter. Allah (SWT) tells us in the Quran that:
وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُوا حَكَمًا مِنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَمًا مِنْ أَهْلِهَا إِنْ يُرِيدَا إِصْلَاحًا يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَا ۗ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا خَبِيرًا
“If there appears to be discord between a wife and her husband and if they desire reconciliation, then choose arbiters from the families of both sides. Allah (SWT) will bring them together; Allah (SWT) is All-Knowing and All-Aware.” (Surah 4, Verse 35)
3. THE SEXUAL DIFFICULTIES
This issue is always there although its thought to be resolved all soon as the couple gets married. But the fire to their smoke involves patience, regret, commitment, and investment which can only be resolved when the need of the partner are given utter importance. Before a couple walk into this sacred relationship they better acquire a proper knowledge of this topic from credible sources (the book Marriage and Morals in Islam, by Hujjatul Islam as-Sayyid Muhammad Rizvi, is one such valuable resource). Plus, this matter should never be disclosed in front of anyone else unless it is for getting help. The beauty of the spouse and cleanliness should always be the top priority.
Prophet of Islam (P.B.U.H) has commanded us that:
إِنّ اللهَ جَمِيلٌ يُحِبُّ الْجَمالِ وَيُحِبُّ أَنْ يُرى أَثَرَ النِّعْمَةِ عَلى عَبْدِهِ.
“Certainly Allah (SwT) is Beauty and He (only) loves beauty and He loves to see the effects of (His) blessings and bounties on His servants.” (Al-Kafi, Volume 6, Page 438)
The Prophet (P.B.U.H) has also told us that:
إِغْسِلُوا ثِيابَكُمْ وَخُذُوا مِنْ شُعُورِكُمْ وَاسْتاكُوْا وَتَزَيَّنٍوا وَتَنَظَّفُوا فَإِنّ بَنِي إِسْرائِيلَ لَمْ يَكُونُوا يَفْعَلُونَ ذلِكَ فَزَنَتْ نِسائُهُمْ.
“Wash your clothes and trim the excess hair on your bodies and brush your teeth and beautify yourselves and keep yourselves clean, since certainly the Children of Israil never did these things and thus, their women committed adultery.” (Nahj al-Fusahah, Page 72)
The Holy Prophet (P.B.U.H) said:
كَانَ رَسُولُ اللهِ يُنْفِقُ فِي الطِّيبِ أَكْثَرَ مِمّا يُنْفِقُ فِي الطّعامِ
“The Messenger of Allah (S) used to spend more money on perfumes than he used to spend on food.” (Wasail ash-Shia, Volume 1, Page 443)
4. ARGUING OVER IN-LAWS
The balance of a relationship is often disturbed by this issue which is why comparisons, sarcasm, backbiting, and naming each other by offensive things should always be avoided by both the people. It’s better to visit your loved ones only once or twice a month or else you could always give them a call in case you are unable to meet them in person.
إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ وَالْإِحْسَانِ وَإِيتَاءِ ذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَيَنْهَىٰ عَنِ الْفَحْشَاءِ وَالْمُنْكَرِ وَالْبَغْيِ ۚ يَعِظُكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ
“Surely Allah (SwT) commands (people) to maintain justice, kindness, and proper relations with their relatives. He forbids them to commit indecency, sin, and rebellion and (Allah) gives you advice so that perhaps you will take heed.”
(Surah 16, Verse 90)
In another verse of the Quran, Allah (SWT) instructs us as such:
يَا أَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُوا رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُمْ مِنْ نَفْسٍ وَاحِدَةٍ وَخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا وَبَثَّ مِنْهُمَا رِجَالًا كَثِيرًا وَنِسَاءً ۚ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ الَّذِي تَسَاءَلُونَ بِهِ وَالْأَرْحَامَ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيبًا
“O’ Mankind! Have fear of your Lord who has created you from a single soul. From it, He created your spouse and through them, He populated the land with many men and women. Have fear of the One by whose Name you swear to settle your differences and have respect for the wombs that bore you. Allah (SWT) certainly keeps watching over you.”(Surah 4, Verse 1)
5. RESPECT EACH OTHER’S PERSONAL SPACE
Marriage is often wrongly taken as the right to invade each other’s privacy as you are going to live together and share every moment. Wives better not take over the household themselves only and allow their husbands to contribute if they are willing to do so. Same goes for the husbands, they consider being with their wives all the time as their duty which results in they becoming irritated and cranky.
قالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلّمَ): مَنْ تَزَوَّجَ أَحْرَزَ نَصْفَ دِيَنِهِ
The Messenger of Allah (S) has said, “He who marries has safeguarded half of his religion.”
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