When we speak about relationships, there are not many counselors in our area or courses in our schools and universities that can teach us a thing or two. We go on building relations with people the way it seems fit to us, either perfect for either party or just one. However, relationships need to have stability and for that minute habits, small actions, and gestures are most important. A strong base holds up a building even during a strong earthquake. Similarly, a strong bond keeps two people together even after a shake-up.
Therefore, get your notepads and pencil and scribble down these habits that you must avoid. These look really normal but, they slowly eat your relationship from the inside:
1. The Passive-Aggression
Surely, more than 80% of the couples do it and this is just wrong. Rather than being open about your desires, needs, and wishes, you tend to drop hints to your partners so they figure it out themselves. This habit shows you are still not comfortable enough to speak to a person who you want to spend your life with.
If you can express yourself and be open, that is the communication standard we all should aim for.
2. Blaming Your Spouse Because Of Your Mood
Now this happens all the time. You come home after a crappy day and all you want is some love and support from your partner, but they are busy elsewhere and have plans of their own. You eventually blame them for being insensitive and not caring enough. This, in fact, is selfishness on a gentle level. When you set a standard that your partner should take care of your mood, you restrict them from enjoying their life.
They are genuinely happy by being with you but, if your mood was off while they were busy then there shouldn’t be an issue if they proceed with what they planned. These are codependent tendencies that you must avoid as they breed resentment. Rather, let them be free and take care of you when they want. You are responsible for your mood, and they are for theirs.
3. Keeping Scores
Many of us are to blame for this, and not just women. The stereotypical memes of women remembering past events are to be held equally for men as well. You remember the pain you feel or any negative emotion, in fact. That is just human nature. What is so toxic here is that you bring it up at every argument or make taunts about it.
The current matter is snubbed to discuss what happened 2 years ago. You should instead deal with matters individually and sort them out, don’t keep them open for discussion.
4. Holding Your Relationship Captive
As previously mentioned, little things matter the most. Even the way we speak matters the most. You may not feel it, but the person you are speaking to or someone who is listening certainly feels the word you speak out. The way you show your anger and criticism to your partner is important. For instance, “I think you were rude to me” is safer than “I’m having second thoughts about you because you were rude to me”.
This is what is termed as ‘emotional blackmail’. It is crucial to figure out how to speak out criticism and communicate effectively. Otherwise, people will suppress their true thoughts and would never be true to you.
5. Buying Back The Happiness
This is when one of you gets angry and instead of sitting together and discussing the main issue, you plan to go out, hand over a gift, or perhaps divert attention through other means. This temporary fix is only good till the next discontinuity in your relation and then you would think of something else. As glittery and fun-filled this solution sounds, it actually brushed your issues under the rug only to be brought back up later. The matter isn’t actually “solved” and there is no assurance that it would not happen again.
Misalignment still exists, in short. Rather, talk about your issue; communicate! Be open and open up your heart to your spouse. Tell them what you dislike about them and let them feel comfort in telling you what they don’t like about you!
The relationship is about given and take! A one-sided relationship is not a relationship at all. So be that person who you would like to be treated as. Communication shouldn’t have any hindrance at all. After all, you chose your partner for life and it would only be a pain for you if you cannot speak up for yourself for the rest of your life.