In the modern age, the status of men and women is often the topic of arguments or discussions. Islam has given great focus on balanced and ethical marriage that leads to happy families and married couples.
Our religion has explained to the Muslim ummah a number of aspects – from the rights of husband and wife to men and women and from children to parents – the requirements for every individual and their status are briefly stated with examples of Holy figures and evidences.
However, due to the social customs and pressure, the requirements are twisted into patterns in order to meet the wants and needs of the society and not of the religion. Marriage being one of the targets ruined by the norms of our society.
1. Husbands are the Guardian of their Families
Woman and man are the wheels that make a vehicle work – however, men are given a larger portion of qualities that make them stronger in terms of guarding their families:
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ
“Men are the maintainers of women, because Allah has made some of them to excel others…” (4:34).
Islam has given men the responsibility of supporting their women and their families.
According to our Prophet (PBUH), “Men are the guardians of their families and it is the responsibility of every guardian to guard those who fall under his own guardianship.” – (Mustadrak, vol 2, p 550)
2. Be More Loving and Caring To Your Wife
A man should understand that the woman he marries also has her own rights and desires towards her life, freedom and expectations from his husband – she must not be taken as a servant. Therefore, it is important that he meets the requirements of his wife, while a wife meets her set of requirements.
The secret behind the prosperity of a family is that the way a husband treats his wife and vice versa. The expression of affection towards your wife is your responsibility, according to Islam. Islam values the sacrifices women make and therefore, Allah blesses love between a married couples for the betterment of their life:
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
“..And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” (30:21)
“Whoever is our friend, expresses his kindness to his spouse more”. – Imam Sadiq (AS) – (Bihar al-Anwar, vol 103, p 227)
‘’The more one becomes faithful the more one expresses kindness to his spouse’’. – Prophet (PBUH) – (Ibid, p 228)
“The words of a man who tells his wife, ‘I love you truly’, should never leave her heart” – Prophet (PBUH) – (Shafi, vol 2, p 138)
Islam strictly forbidden beating of wife, while our culture continues to abuse women physically and mentally. On the other hand, even looking at each other with love brings blesses and joy to the relationship.
3. Being There For Wife during Pregnancy
There is no argument on how modern age men sometimes disregard the importance and pain during pregnancy and treat it as an “ordinary” condition. However, Islam has given great significance to this matter as well.
According to Imam as-Sadiq (AS), “The food of a fetus, is provided by the nourishment that the mother receives” – (Bihar al-Anwar, vol 60, p 342) and this nourishment is provided by the husband.
During this sensitive matter, it is not just a test for the wife alone, but also for the husband as they will be giving birth to their future generation.
4. Bringing Up Children with Together Your Wife
Men and women play their part in giving birth to the fruit of the marriage – children. Often our society dumps the matter of bringing up children on the wife alone, while ignoring that a father is equally responsible for this duty as well.
Neither is not fair on the mother to wake up in the middle of the night to attend the needs of the crying baby (if the baby requires more than just feeding), nor it is fair on the mother to be held responsible alone.
It is your right to help your wife as well as an act of kindness.
Prophet (PBUH) said, “‘The best of men is one who treats his wife well and I, amongst you, am the best man with regard to the good treatment of my wife”—(Wasa’il al-Shi’ah, vo114, p 122)
It is an ethical, human and Islamic duty of both parents to properly bring up their children in order to raise good Muslims and family members.
The Prophet (PBUH) also said, “The best of you is the one who is better towards his family, and I am to my family the best among all” – (Wasa’il al-Shiah, vol 14. p 122)
While these may sound as very basic rights, our society tends to ignore them, leading to a number of domestic quarrels that are not ideal for families.